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elisand

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Posts posted by elisand

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    in Public: Welcome!

    Posted

    On 11/1/2017 at 6:04 AM, mousie41 said:

    Yeah I thought him being gone would make me feel better that he is no longer on this earth... I in someways I do feel better.  However, I guess what I wasn't ready for is all the people that thought he was this great guy.  Saying they miss him ect.  I kinda lost my cool when I saw a video of his urn that was inscripted with loving father and husband.... 

    Welcome to AS!

    I hate when people talk about my abuser in non-negative ways. And i can't stop them w/o revealing what he did

     

    As my name says, I’m trying to figure out Who I am?

    in Public: Welcome!

    Posted

    On 1/20/2018 at 1:46 AM, WhoAmI? said:

    Intimacy for me has been a huge problem. I know i should not compare but people I’ve met in my past didn’t want to be touched at all because it brought back awful memories. I think I’ve suppressed everything for so long that I feel nothing regarding intimacy. Ever since then it’s just be an act, nothing special nothing more...I just can’t connect on an emotional level that way. I don’t want to blame ALL of my problems on what happened to me because I feel like sometimes it just sounds like an excuse. 

    Questions I ask myself all the time:

    Why can’t I be more faithful? Why cant I love and feel loved? Why do I still make the stupid decisions today that don’t benefit me at all? Why do I always have this desire to please everyone? 

    Just things I think of a lot. Although I’ve discussed what happened to me with my spouse, I feel like having these discussions would make life more difficult and possibly end my marriage. Life is so tough. 

    Yes, our emotions are totally ---------'d up. 

    And people told me that not all my problems are results of abuse. It took me a long time to realize they were wrong and i was right. it's not about blaming yourself. Considering the questions you are asking yourself it is pretty clear that the abuse you endured were deeply affecting you. So probably a lot more than what even you realized about yourself was affected. (talk about support!).

    But really love and connection are so hard for us for more than 1 reason.

    It has to do with trust,

    and possibly depression

    and possibly not knowing one's own personality

    and could be from being frozen in certain ways by the abuse in emotional brain development

    and also that one tries to freeze emotions bec. it's too painful

    and because one keeps telling himself how he is a piece of garbage.

    So you get an idea of how f----'d up we might be. It might be liberating- it truly is not my fault.

    That doesn't mean one shouldn't try to make a better life for themselves.

    did you start therapy?

    first post

    in Public: Welcome!

    Posted

    On 12/31/2017 at 8:09 AM, Jayt said:

    I am not sure what I will gain from it but I am hoping I will find something, anything to help. I am 16 years old. for the past two months since this event occurred, I have been fighting a mental battle that nobody knows about. I am constantly tired and searching for my worth. everyday, it gets harder to leave my house. and every night, I have nightmares that keep me awake for hours on end. 

    I am on the last straw of my sanity. it feels like everything is a struggle. eating, drinking water, talking to my family, seeing my friends, taking a shower... everything is so draining and seems pointless.

    Hi @Jayt, Welcome.

    Everyone on After Silence is so caring. I hope you find support, you are free to be who you are and your feelings count here.

    :aswelcomesu:

    trying to find help

    in Public: Welcome!

    Posted

    new here. being that i've never had access to internet i had no idea how to connect with a support forum etc. it's so hard even to try something new. there's so much to have anxiety and depression when trying to find help.    deep breath    Finally.

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