Shaunie
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Shaunie changed their profile photo -
Not okay, really struggling😭😭
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I feel so low😭😭
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I lied my way out of a psychiatric unit but i need help. I dont know why i do this. I want to die 😭😭😭😭
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Tw
Its so sad cause i think life can be really great. I just clearly dont know how to live my life & too sensetive Or ill just never recover. Ill never even be comfortable with how i feel. I find more comfort in feeling sad than feeling happy. If im ever happy, i just wait for something fuck it up and feels wrong like i dont desrve to be happy - ive done disgusting things. And id rather feel sad than feel nothint at all. And i Hate feeling sad.
What am i suppose to do. I cant live like this. I just want to die :'( :'( :'(
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Safe hugs
if ok?
you deserve to be happy,
we've all done disgusting thing... but we only did them to get through what we went through, your worthy of everything you desire don't let depression or your past drag you down like i am.
you definitely do not need to die , the world is in need of nice people like yourself consider its unbalanced as there's more bad then good.
sitt with you & here if you would like to talk.
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TW.
Being asked what im even doing with my life now. How can i focus on my future when my main aim everyday is to not to kill myself :'( :'(
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I cant stand being in my own skin anymore. My body feels disgusting and i feel so so dirty everytime i think about what i did. But i think im starting to hate myself less and realising i wasnt at fault. But i still hate my body and what i did and still feel dirty. Restricting my self from food seems to be the only way i can feel incontrol of my body and make my body feel clean, pure and empty. I dont know how to stop, i need the control. But i want my body to chamge but my hair seems to be falling out - the only thing i like about myself:'(
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Even by my family I get called "the quiet girl" . I do have a name -.- :'(.
Well if I'm that quiet atleast I know I wont be missed if I successful act on my suicidal thoughts:'(
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, I liked what blue said she's definitely right , your always welcome @Shaunie.
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@shaunie, you can always pm if you need. You are going through tough times and that's okay. We need some perspective sometimes. Suicide just isn't the answer. You will be missed and it will wreak havoc on the lives you've come in contact with. It will. Suicide isn't the answer. Personally I have been where you are many times, he'll I was just there yesterday, but I'm someone that's so stubborn and loves to be right/the strongest/fastest/the best. It takes so much work to get out of that and you have to fight really hard but once you do you'll look back and tear up you'll be so proud you defeated those thoughts or mean words/things people have done to you. You are a badass each and every day. You are a fighter each and every second, that isn't easy. You should be proud.
Sorry if that hat sounded weird/ like a 12 year old wrote it I'm a bit tired.
So many safe hugs @Shaunie
@Free2Fly thank you
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I hate feeling like im missing out in life. Im so jelous of peoples lives on social media. I know its not a true repsentation of how they feel but they look like they have friends and not that alone and doing things with their lives. Im just here feeling sorry for myself 24/7, by myself Playing victim to depression and not even trying hard enough to feel better yet i still complain. But i just dont see any point and i have no motivation to even try to do anything with my life or to feel better. I have no future ahead like this :'( :'( :'(
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@Shauniedepression is a bit*h and is such a huge struggle live with even without having bad experienced any trauma. You're too hard on yourself. It's okay to not be okay. I have been in that spot and am currently going down to that spot again. It takes a bit of work to get out. I just had to socialize and find what I loved. I needed a change. Some people say it was running away but for me it was freeing myself from the chains. I would see where I was attacked every single day, I would see one of my abusers everyday, I would see the place where I almost died everyday. It sucked and it swallowed me. So I made a change. If you like animals then try to go to a shelter. Go see things you haven't. There's beauty in the earth and world. I think that's the biggest thing that keeps me moving on, how the sky or trees, sand plays/animals all look/live/feel. Honestly I can't think about anything else. It's just the earth the appreciation for it I guess. Damn. Um. I don't know if this helped. It's the little things. It is work to change your way of thinking, it's okay that you aren't trying right now but later you will. There comes a time where you just need a change after so much of that. At least there was for me. You are doing you and that's okay. You are doing what you can. Safe hugs shaunie.
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Thank you @Bluesclues !Thats lovely and really did help!!
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Its like i dont even allow myself to be happy. And cling onto depression. My day was okay yet im sat here with suicidal thoughts again. Cause what even would i have to face without depression -just a load of disappiontments and false hope. Im never going to get better if i dont allow it. I cant. I lose either way
I just dont get the point in anything anyway.
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Your welcome @Shaunie, hope your day's going well.
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The binging, the purging, restristing, SH and suicidal thoughts. I just cant do it anymore:'( i dont want to live anymore. I feel so stuck.
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Im really not sure why i always ask myself - if everyone suffers with depression at some point. Maybe cause i just normalise how i constantly feel. And think this is just life. And people can be so good at hiding it. I dont think everyone does, cause like everyone experiences sadness, so then i start questioning if mentall illness is a thing.but then some online support & then realise it is a thing and others are suffering aswell. But i still feel like how i feel isnt justified and frustated i cant just get over it cause i cant physically see whats wrong with me and makes it feel invalid and i feel weak.
Half the time i feel like my sentences dont even make much sense. So i always repeat everything i say but in different ways after but then i look more mentally ill and forgetful, but i just always feel misunderstood and like i just make no sense
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I'm in hospital & I dont want my family to visit for them to make me feel worse and say the usual "dont you see how this affects others" & make me feel selfish & self centred. I dont want to face them, they are going to be so disappionted with me :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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I can't help but fear my life will go too quick to start anything meanful, i dont see the point anymore. I just cant be bothered to live :'(
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You can get through this struggle right now. You have meaning, you will create meaning. Most of the people in the world make meaning within their small circles of friends/family. Or they find meaning in the day to day life. There is so much meaning and beauty in life. These awful things that have happened to us and the mental disorders whether in connection with the trauma or not, they rip the life out of us. We say "fuck you" to that, I am not letting it ruin me. It's so hard to do most days or somedays depending on where you stand, but you aren't alone in this struggle. YOU MATTER. You are meant to be here. Your life has impacted someone else's in one way or another. You matter.
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Im so confused and frustrated i feel like crying:'(. I have weighed myself so many times this morning, in different places and have measured my height so many times thinking im going somewhere wrong calcuating my BMI. I have even checked on many different websites and i am still under the anorexic weight. I honestly dont know. I feel so fat, i am not stupid i can see fat everywhere.
if ok.
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