Welcome to the forum maria. Im sure you find lots of support here. Its great to hear you want to move on. You are not alone. I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years and left her some months ago. I am also in the process of moving on and still a bit hang up in the denial phase. Often I see my ex as a good person who didnt mean any of that. Then in some moments I see her for what she is but then fall back into my fantasy world where I imagine all the good things and block out the bad. It can be a real mess. Sorry for rambling on just want to let you know you are not alone with your struggle