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Juniperberry1900

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Status Updates posted by Juniperberry1900

  1. Juniperberry1900

    I've been noticing I've been self- isolating (again). ...not sure that's a good thing. I makes me sad and worried I'm slipping (again). 

    1. ActivistAlly

      ActivistAlly

      Sorry to hear that.  Glad you've reached out here.

    2. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you. 

  2. Juniperberry1900

    XXL weekend, yeah. ...here’s to hoping it’s uneventful and relaxing!

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      :) , hope its uneventful for ya juniper.

    2. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thanks, thus far it has been relaxing. 

      Was upsetting taking out the decorations, but I kept going. 

  3. Juniperberry1900

    Feeling tired, sad and abandoned. Hate feeling this way. My place of work sucks. Some of the work and people do too. I don’t care if I’m complaining. It I should what it is. ☹️

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you for your support. It’s a new day, so let’s see what this one brings

    3. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Your welcome juniper, hope it's going good for you :) 

    4. ActivistAlly

      ActivistAlly

      I'm sorry to hear you are feeling bad :(

  4. Juniperberry1900

    Who the eff am I? Why do I exist?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. patriciag

      patriciag

      These are tough questions but more important stronger feeling.  I think we have all asked those questions. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves just one answer to the question.  For me it is being a mom. Why do I exist for me that is a hard one. I guess I could say I broke the pattern of abuse in my family. Last night I was texting my daughter who did her big adventure. During our text I told her how proud I am of her. Not for only this but her whole life, all she had done and become. She was a very difficult birth. In the end she came into this world in her own way, no Dr there, she landed on my legs. Last night it hit me, that I was the vessel for her birth, so I guess I can I exist for that, what better way to exist.  Sorry so long

      Safe :hug:hugs

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      :hug:Juniper :hug:

      Just glad you do. :)

    4. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you @Kmkz, @patriciag, & @tuliptorn. It seems there is too much coming at me lately, and not enough of it good. I try to focus on the positive and ride through the unpleasant as smoothly as possible. When the unpleasant keeps happening, it sometimes makes me question whether I’m on this earth to be others’ punching bag. I’m taking it easy this weekend for sure. 

  5. Juniperberry1900

    The sudden veil of memories descended on me earlier while at my desk. I got freaked out rather bad: had to grab a coworker to go for walk. Now, I’m useless. I’ve T in 1.5 hrs and feel tired. Please tell me I’ll be okay. 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug: , recently my days and nights have been like that , cry when no ones around kinda thing :( .

    3. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Awh, @Free2Fly, I’m sorry to hear that. I found myself doing that a lost this past spring. I told my doc and she prescribed an anti depressant. Now, it’s rare that I cry, even when I stub my toe. Yesterday the tears came though, it was sooo intense. 

      Safe huggs to you, Josh :hug:

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Aww :hug: , well they can prescribe me anti depressants cause I have had quite a few and non work , Prozac, sertraline, fluoxetine & another I don't remember the name of so you can imagine.

       

      thanks for the hugs :hug: , hope your doing better today.

  6. Juniperberry1900

    May as well laugh...what a fawking day thus far. Had my teeth cleaned before work at hygienist and a filling next to a recent root canal broke away. So I had to go back at 2pm to get it done. The final levelling of the tooth seemed to take forever. But it's all repaired now...soup for supper. 

    After the cleaning this morning I went to work. There I attended the most boring two hour presentation I've ever been to in my entire life. Those are two precious hours I will never ever get back. Sigh. Did a bit of work and went back to dentist for the filling. 

    Came home instead of going back to work again because the dentist is always a little emotional for me. He's a nice man. Not his fault I needed a tooth repaired. 

    Went into garden to clean weeds out of a bed, when the neighbours dogs, two giant boxers, came barking at me through the fence, agIn. I mean honestly. Can't I go into my garden when I want to pull so,e bleeding weeks? Like, a lot of them Coke u der the fences from the three neighbours who don't do anything to control them. Argh. 

    So, I here watching a movie I recorded. It's really bad. I can't find my glasses so it's bad and blurry. Lol 

    like I said at the beginning, may as well laugh. -shakes head-

    1. Scared1

      Scared1

      Oy with the poodles- what an awful day. I hope today was better for you? 

    2. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thanks scared1. It's a new day and I'm on annual leave. Just not going to work makes it a better day. I hope the rest is uneventful. Lol

  7. Juniperberry1900

    I'm feeling bad, like I'm an annoyance, taking up space and breathing air that is meant for others. I can't seem to get anything right. I'm tired of trying. 

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you oneinMillion and hawkgirl. It means a lot to know someone cares. It's a new day, I'll see how this one goes. 

    3. StrugglingMama

      StrugglingMama

      Hope you're feeling a little better now :throb:

       

    4. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you StrugglingMama. I'm feeling no worse. It was a hard day. I'll try again tomorrow. 

  8. Juniperberry1900

    Ikes, I'm fuzzy headed and somewhat confused. I have people coming in 15 mins and I'm not prepared for it. Is too late to cancel. I hope I manage to stay present while they're here. 

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Do your best to focus and know that you have a friend sitting with you. You are not alone and you can get thru this. :hug: 

    2. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you MeBeMary. I made it, a bit loopy and jumpy all evening....could not sit still more than 20 minutes. It didn't seem to bother anyone, so it seems I managed. I'm still confused but at least I can just go on to bed now this way, thanks. 😊

    3. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      You mad it thru, I knew you would. :)  Glad it went as well as it did, considering how you were not feeling quite right. Get some good rest, and hopefully your mind will be much clearer in the morning.

  9. Juniperberry1900

    Wondering, why does sharing make one feel so vulnerable...?

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Sharing does make you vulnerable. This world is very judgmental place. Everyone has opinions about everything, if they have the knowledge and truth or not. To be able to share our deepest pains, that is to open ourselves to the possibilities of being hurt even more. Who wants that, right? Even when we feel we can trust someone, we wonder if we trust ourselves enough to be right about the person we decide to share with.

      This feeling is double edged sword, I think. It helps protect us, but sometimes at the cost of moving a step forward by trusting someone. I do wish this wasn't the case. I'm sorry you are struggling with this at the moment. :hug:

    2. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      :hug:

    3. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you @MeBeMary, what you say makes sense. I've gone through periods of trying to open up, share and let people in and then feeling very insecure indeed, fearing being judged. It has rarely worked out. I always assume because I'm just so weird and different. I'm not sure yet where this came from this morning. 

      Thank you @Painnbroken, you're always so very sweet. 

  10. Juniperberry1900

    Edgy, Triggery and cloudy-minded; I so want to sleep. Adjusted meds, too much going on and too much stimulus me thinks. :shrugs:

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      Sitting with you hon and safe hugs to you.  I hope you can get peace over the weekend 

    3. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you @LuthienTinuviel and @Painnbroken. I guess I was due for stuff to catch up with me today. 

    4. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      Understandable hon. Stinks that it does catch up and it leaves you feeling worse than you did before.  I'm sorry. 

  11. Juniperberry1900

    sad that someone who claims to care and be a 'friend' does not want to understand what its like to live with cPTSD and just dismisses it and my struggles. I think her discomfort is about her, not me. I think I'm better off not sharing much of me with her. I don't trust her as much as I used to now because of things she's said about how I should 'just get over it' or i 'should have dealt with whatever it is years ago' ... funny thing is, I did deal with it and was okay(-ish) for a long time, it just all came back with a vengeance and now I have to relearn to deal with it again.

    1. LuthienTinuviel

      LuthienTinuviel

      another survivor said  to me that sometimes you think you dealt with it and it comes back because something may retrigger. this was concerning my ptsd before i was diagnosed with it in the hospital.

    2. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      I'm sorry hon. Sitting with you and safe hugs if okay

    3. limbodante

      limbodante

      It should be legal to respond to people telling you to get over it with breaking their leg and telling them to walk it off. makes my blood boil. sounds like youre a lot better off investing less in this acquaintence person you know slightly.

  12. Juniperberry1900

    I want my workplace back. I'm tired of feeling uncomfortable there, disassociating and not being able to concentrate. Its wearing me down and its only Monday. 

    1. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      Sitting with you hon and safest hugs to ya.  I'm sorry

  13. Juniperberry1900

    Recovering from pneumonia; not fun. Rather tired in multiple ways. Yet, peaceful for a change. 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      I hope you feel better dear!  Being peaceful is a wonderful thing. Hugs to you 

    3. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you all. It feels so indulgent to take afternoon naps!

    4. LuthienTinuviel

      LuthienTinuviel

      you need your rest to help your body get well :)

  14. Juniperberry1900

    I feel so drained. I'm just tired and really need something positive changes in my life. 

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Couldn't agree more , especially after cleaning floors , painting wall while little sister be's a pain.

       

      safe hugs :hug: if okay?

    3. Hawkgirl

      Hawkgirl

      Sending safe hugs and sitting with you :hug::candle:

    4. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      Thank you all so very much. The weight I've been carrying on my chest and mind is simply too much for me right now. 

      I really appreciate your support. People here have helped me in ways I cannot explain, or have not. You get it, what it's like to live under this ugly cloud.   Kind regards. 

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