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Everything posted by Hawkgirl

  1. I am sorry for all you have experienced. How do you distract yourself? There are a number of ways to distract yourself but the main thing is to acknowledge that it was abusive (which you have done). The next thing is to work on staying in the present moment. It may help to eat a piece of sour candy while you are in a conversation with someone. The sourness of the candy can help you focus on the present moment. (I am sitting at my computer, FaceTiming with (fill in person here). The sun is poking through though the clouds. It is a nice day to talk to a friend at this time. Something e
  2. @NeedPeace I live where nearly everything happened too. Although the first place is within driving distance or a bus ride of here. No I don't get angry at my mom, I get angry that she married a man she only knew for 3 months (90 day fiancée) When I look at the price i paid for that decision,, yes I was seeing red. I had never wrote out my experiences before until one day a friend asked me to write about it. I kept those emotions inside locked away and never breathed a word about it. Everything was fine but I was not. So i sat down and tried to write abou tit. I started writing
  3. @Needpeace1 Welcome to AS. I am sorry for all that you have been through. I can relate to where you are. Have you tried writing? I know that sounds so trite, but I find it most helpful to express things when I can't find the verbal words for them. I am not always a huge fan of self-help books because they are sometimes too vague. But I find writing helps immensely. I have a special journal set aside just for that. It helps me to decompress a bit and I am able to put words, feelings and yes even anger on the pages. It helps me because then it is not just rolling around upstairs
  4. @smilewhenyoucan Hi, welcome to AS. I am sorry for what brought you here but I am glad you found us. I have found support and friends here too. We are here to listen to your experience and help where we can. It's important for you to know you aren't alone. Please be good to yourself .
  5. Hi Dannie, Welcome to AS. I am so sorry for what you have experienced. I know how much that hurts. But I want you to know you aren’t disposable. You are not disposable. What that person did to you was wrong. It was unfair and it hurts. It is ok to cry, it is ok to mourn and it is ok to say that you are hurting. I think people try to make us fix things when we are younger without acknowledging who the problem party really is. I understand about wanting to leave. I understand about wanting to run away. I too heard the lie that time heals all wounds. Some sounds are too deep for
  6. @Looking4theSun Welcome to AS! I am sorry for the trauma you experienced. I think you will find a vsupportive community here. Each journey toward recovery is different. One of the first things is to be good to yourself.
  7. Hi. Schnitzel, Welcome to AS. Family and friends don’t understand the aftermath. They see it as that was then and this is now. Sometimes I think they would understand if it were something that happened to them. It is most unfair as we try to come to terms with the pain we feel inside and the aftermath too. Their perspective only adds to the pain. I am sorry for all you have experienced. I have found this space to be very supportive and have learned a few things along the way. I hope you find the same as well.
  8. Loading a profile pic is done differently. Let me see if I can find the post on it. I have not figured out how to do a cover pic. Gravatar is the way to upload a profile pic.
  9. Hello @someone934 Welcome to AS. It is a very caring and supportive community here.
  10. @JustSam Thank you for writing this. When I first read this I thought about everything I had been through. I knew what they did was deliberate. It wasn't anything they accidentally did and it wasn't a bunch of child's play. I think the thing I think about the most is what would my life had been like had I not gone through that. I had held on to dreams of marriage and family and even after being proposed to I turned the guy down. In retrospect, my family should have been there. My mother should have thought for herself and not listened to her often drunken and high husband. I won
  11. @limbodante No, you aren't an idiot for wanting things to be better than they were. She didn't treat you right. She hurt you. When we look at things in retrospect, it is always so many red flags because hindsight is crystal clear. Please be good to yourself.
  12. Hawkgirl

    New here

    Hi Izz, Welcome to AS.
  13. @msmary Welcome to AS.
  14. First I need to apologize for not replying to anyone on the show of support for my last blog entry. My thoughts were jumbled together and I was unable to really say much. The visit with the surgeon was in short devastating. His decision to call the transplant coordinator was equally painful. My tears have now dried and I am no longer thinking of quitting so I can at least write a little now. The thought of waiting two years is a bit much. I don't have the energy to wait that long. I sort of thought that might be the response of the transplant team. Still I am in the process of processi
  15. I did follow up yesterday from the surgery I had for cancer. Much to my surprise, his tune was far different than that of the endocrinologist. She was upbeat, optimistic and looking forward to me being transplanted. My visit with the surgeon deep sixed those plans and I was taken aback. The cancer wasn't contained to the thyroid as originally thought. It had spread to the lymph nodes. Now it is a matter of getting those nodes removed. To say I was blown away is an understatement. I cried. We were totally unprepared for this. Completely and totally unprepared. Now hearing that they a
  16. Hi Queenie, Welcome to AS! There is always someone listening here like the others have said.
  17. Powerful,

    I was wondering how you are.  Just wanted say hi.  Hope you are well.  Sending you safe hugs if ok :hug:

  18. @BreakMyShell , Wonderfullly written but I must disagree with you on one aspect, you are not a loser. I am sorry that kid was so rude and disrespectful to you. It takes special people to work with children. If no one else tells you, you are a hero.
  19. I told my best friend and she had her own story to tell. I told my mother who in turn told my stepfather. He pitched a fit and accused me of making it up to tear the family apart. He didn't tell her he called me a s***, w**** and b****. I eventually told my godmother who also had a story of her own to tell. We agreed not to tell my godfather or uncle as both would have gone to prison for their actions. So they don't know. The family expects that I can just "get over it". My mother doesn't but it is hard to tell where she is on things like letting me know when they are coming over. Sh
  20. @Queen P Welcome to AS!
  21. What makes me afraid is that I will not be able to say the words. There are certain things I don't speak about. This unfortunately makes people think whatever it is I am dealing with is not that important. But in reading your post, I was reminded of the things that keep me from talking about my experiences verbally. I find its easiest to write about these things rather than to verbally speak them. I find I stammer a bit if I try to verbally convey any part of that story. The last person I spoke to about this at any length was exceptionally patient. I am grateful for that. Hearing t
  22. @Sunrise Kitten Hey! Welcome to AS! I am sorry for what brought you here but I can tell you this is a very supportive community. You will find lots of support here.
  23. I don't talk much about health but found out I have cancer round 2.   I'm going to throw a shindig just cuz I can.  I'm going to grab me a shake since I'm out and about.  Leave me a positive comment.  Looking to celebrate something good with you.  Your good news is encouraging to me.  Ready? Set? Post! 

    1. Show previous comments  20 more
    2. Painnbroken
    3. snmls


      Thank you @Hawkgirl  I'm planning on studying health law.  :)

    4. limbodante


      I have a date today, I meet my gf for the first time, we're meeting at a steampunk crafts fair ^_^

  24. Hi Sonny, welcome to AS. You will find alot of people who understand in some way what you are dealing with. @howlieowl is right,. You will find support here and friendship too. You can heal, you aren't alone and we are here to support you too.
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