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If you pray, please pray for me. If you don’t, I’ll take anything positive you can spare. I am going through something right now that compares with my trauma that brought me here nearly 7 years ago (different). I. Am. TIRED. I feel like I have nothing left. Life has dealt me 40 years of loss and trauma and I am WORN. OUT. Happily ever afters are apparently for people other than me.
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I have my post-op appointment at 1:30 EST. I’m afraid of knowing all the details. My fiancé gave me a glossed over version after I woke up. He and the OBGYN didn’t want me too upset right after surgery.
I’ll be seeing multiple pics of my internal organs/endometriosis. We’ll discuss the future and treatment options. They did a biopsy. Today I get all the info.
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All moved and settling in. I’m very happy with my loves…my SO and his 7-year-old son. My dog is adjusting but it’s been a little bumpy. Since he witnessed my trauma he’s obsessively protective of me. He’s nipped SO. We’re working on it. I like NC so far.
Still no activity in the rule 37 petition. Oh well.
Very busy being a stay-at-home mom for the time being. I love it. To those of you who are SAHM’s or moms who also work…you’re AMAZING. I’m busier now than when I worked full time!
Love to you all ❤️
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Remember, my loves, that healing is layered....not linear.
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Heard from the DA yesterday. The judge actually talked about a hearing for the monster's petition not being necessary!!!! He could just deny it and it would be OVER! I am praying this happens. No hearing, no more anything. Just OVER.
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Thank you so much @Field8 @MeBeMary @AngelasAshes and @Capulet. I am really hopeful. I told my T last night that this is the first time since it happened that I feel like I might be on the other side of it.
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Thank you @mini.finch 😍
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I have been here before. Heck I have been here for SIX YEARS, to be exact. Clearly I am no stranger to waiting and being at the mercy of others 😡 So WHY do I feel like climbing the walls and screaming because nothing has been done on this last petition of the monster's??? The freaking judge has had since DECEMBER to set a hearing date. Has he? Well of course not. I have followed up with his office (they won't talk to little old me) AND the prosecutor. I am SO OVER THIS! Set a damn date already and let's bury this, please!!
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Six years ago tonight and tomorrow. Six years. I cannot believe what I lived through. Last night was rough and tonight will be even worse. I can’t believe what happened to me…
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Thinking of you and sending you hugs. I can't believe what you went through either and traumaversaries suck, but you survived, you put your rapist in prison and gave an eloquent and awesome victim impact statement, you are healing, and you are doing so much to help others. Not to mention how incredibly focused you were not only on doing what you had to do to survive that night, but also on ensuring that your rapist would be caught. You are an amazing and incredibly strong woman and that hasn't changed.
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The more I see you post the more I'm reminded of Chanel Miller and want you to meet her.
Her memoir has been a major source of healing for me, as has been this community. The publicity and news articles make it feel so emotionless and impersonal. I couldn't pay attention to the news articles, especially since her assailant is from my hometown (technically, I've lived here ten years which is the longest I've lived in one state).
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@wolfennights That is quite a compliment. Thank you so much. I want to read her memoir when I can.
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It's a little ridiculous that I have a broken heart (relationship wasn't that long) but I do. Riding the wave, as my T puts it. It sucks. 💔
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Awww, Im so sorry (hugs if comfortable). Been through that a couple times. In my case, the rejection hurt so bad, and just when I was staring to like them too 😥 So heart breaking.
Sounds like your heart is pure and unlocked; able to allow the possibility of letting love in. Hang in there precious one. Sitting with you.
-Mimi
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@Whisper Thank you. It did move fast. At first I was cautious and resistant. He somehow won me over. I haven't felt what I felt for him in a very long time, if ever. My boss said he knows why M moved so fast...he knew what a good thing he had. I guess not though...bc he threw me away pretty easily.
@mini.finch @MeBeMary @orangegiraffe thank you friends
@Mimi M. I will. Thank you for the kind words. They helped.
@Field8 Thank you
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Hi@Iheartcupcakes, I talked with @feralcat and she suggested I asked you for the link to the poem you wrote called mosaic. I think of my life as shattered mosaic. Could you send me the link? Thank you
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Things improve and there is a glimmer of hope and then BAM. The rug is yanked out from under me. I don't know if I have the energy to get up anymore. My SO's trauma plus mine (traumaversarys are next month for me) is overwhelming. And...it's mostly his. I am dealing really well with mine. Probably because I don't have any energy left to give to it....Hurting. Confused. Struggling. TIRED.
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Thank you @8888 @feralcat and @waterlily13
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Really struggling right now. In a lot of pain. Can't seem to comfort myself. It's not my trauma but how my SO's is affecting me. Could use all the support.
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@WannaMoveOn @Capulet @mini.finch @Field8 @AKB @MeBeMary @matts thank you all so much. I had a rough weekend, with missing him since I was supposed to be on my trip to visit him, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. He is really trying to be more present and be mindful of the way he is affecting me, and I appreciate it. But, I just want HIM to be okay. The traumaversary is Monday for him.
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Sending you lots of love @Iheartcupcakes, that sounds so hard, hoping you are finding some comfort❤️
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thank you, my friend. @waterlily13
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The appeal should be decided on Wednesday although that date is not firm. Fall is already hard for me. I am really feeling the depression. I am so happy with my partner, and I am going to see him soon. It's just hard to shake all of this. People tell me to focus on the future and not look back, but they have no idea how hard that is when the past keeps intruding and you have no control...be it the court system or with PTSD and depression....
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@Iheartcupcakes - I get it, it’s hard to focus on your future when your past is still a large part of it. Whenever something new pops up, we cannot help but drag the past along with us because it’s always going to be present. I am so glad your new beau is someone who will be glad to help you carry it. I’m sorry the courts are dragging things out and giving you more to worry about; especially now. I am always here if you need to vent. 💕 -
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