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Questioning my purpose... All I seem to do is bring people down. Did I survive everything just to be a burden?
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I'm tired... Scared, afraid, frustrated, and uncertain. But very tired.
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I feel so bad that I can't support on here enough. I barely have the strength for PM'S. I have a SH craving that's eating me whole too.
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Hey @OmegaWolf,
its okay , nobody minds about it , I guess just do what you can manage.
i can understand the SH craving's , to be honest I think people like us that SH just get them it's part of the addictiveness of SH , i know first hand it's very tricky to resist , to be honest it gets me almost every time cause I'm no good at resisting.
"never feel down cause you feel you can't help yourself or others."
No one would blame you.
anonymous96
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Well.. Im a dork. You all who have been following my vent today, thank you so much. But I made a typo sort of error I didn't realize and it totally made me look bad. Its my parents that I am getting abuse from, not my wife and kiddo... Sorry for the goof.
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I don't deserve to heal I don't deserve to be alive. I can't make it in the real world beause my purpose in life is to be a victim and then die. Use me and throw me away like an old dirty tissue. I'm not worth anything to anyone.
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Is healing actually possible? I feel like every time I take a step forward I take two back...
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I think that it's hard to define what healing means. It's different for everyone. But, I think that in terms of "progress." My experience is that it's more like two steps forward one step back. So, I'm usually making more progress than I think I am, which is probably true for you too. I think we tend to be really hard on ourselves.
Yesterday, someone on the board suggested that I take a look at the song Exactly by Amy Steinberg. It's about the whole notion of "am I making enough progress." I listed to it and really liked it.
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healing is possible. after struggling with it one way or another for many years, i can see that healing is possible but the process is painful. and i noticed that some of the times when i was actually making the most progress, i was feeling WORSE. and i wondered how can this be helping me, when i have all these horrible feelings of despair and self harm, etc? however, during these awful times there were some important components that are often part of the healing process- basic needs of daily living were met, trustworthy, healthy support, expressing (through various means- writing, talking, art, etc) what happened that received validation and when appropriate re-framing, tons of self-care and rest, sharing on AS and finding some meaning in my life. but it wasn't until i had made enough progress that i could see that was getting better. it was difficult and painful but sometimes we have to just move forward b/c there is no other way to go. please don't give up hope.
PM me anytime. ~Flower
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Healing is possible. You just have to have the strength and have perseverance. It has been years since my last time I was abused. I have made alot of progress, but I also take several steps back now and again. Healing from it is hard, long, and rough. If you want true healing, never give up. You will always remember the hurt, betrayal, the abuse, and everything in between. It is up to you to tell yourself that I have already been there and I am not going back there again. You have to just pick up the pieces and move on. I think sometimes it is like a death of someone you really loved. You just learn to move on without them. Sometimes life gets better, but you never forget them. Sometimes just having someone to talk to helps alot if there is someone you trust. I hope this helps and I wish you the best. Feel free to message me anytime.
BabyDeepBlue
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Thinking about all of you. Having a bad day, very triggered can't really do too much tonight on here.... I'm sorry.
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Every time I forget that I was born for others to use and neglect, the world reminds me. Stupid Omega.
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Wow folks... Its been a while. I'm going to be back now, I think. Finally getting into a decent headspace where I can support. I have lots to tell and not sure where to tell it. I'm also a busy guy so it may be a while but... I'm back
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Sorry I have not been active. Dealing with a very tough situation at home concerning SA. Not feeling strong at all.
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Sorry I'm not very supportive lately... I feel like an awful person. The flashbacks and panics are just so bad I can't hardly read let alone reply. Love and hugs all.
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I'm sorry that I am taking forever and a day to get to people's threads. I promise you amazing people that I am trying. Just dealing with some things currently... Wanted you all to know I cared.
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Not even on the way to work yet and I'm already a mess. Not good. The muggles are very much getting me down today..