SleeplessEni

Thank you all so much for the kind words of support. I am deeply touched by them. I, too, am afraid of taking sleeping pills, not so much for fear of being stuck in the nightmares, but for fear that I won't wake up if something happens, like a break-in. I sleep very lightly, and at times have tried to sleep with ear plugs to prevent waking every five minutes, but I have ripped them out in my sleep on more than one occasion and thrown them, scratching myself a time or two in the process. People tell me those fears are irrational, and I can see how, to someone with a different live circumstance

I will not go into graphic details of any sort here, but there may be some triggers for SI, suicidal thoughts, and possibly for swearing, because I don't have the energy to censor myself tonight. Sometimes I sleep. Usually people have to encourage, cajole, beg, demand, insist or outright force me to do so, but sometimes I just sleep. Sometimes I can be convinced or can convince myself, for months on end, to sleep every night like a good girl, regardless of the horror I find myself facing, or the bruises and scratches I wake up with at times, or the periodic full days of feeling exactly as I di