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Goldeneye
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We were kids, you presented it as a game and I joined. We played it for years. You wanted to stopped, so we did. You wanted to start again years after stopping we did start again. We you, I discovered my body, I discovered what I'd like or hate to feel. I'd learn my limits. I thought it was a game and then I was use to it. You manipulated me in order to get what you wanted. Maybe you loved me more than a friend, but if so why didn't you respected me when I said no multiples time. Why did I gave you my body and why did I gave you pleasure ? Maybe cause I thought it would end faster...
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Hey you, yes you ! Whoever is reading, me you... There are days we feels depressed, down, sad... Name it. Sometimes it last weeks, months and even years. I just want you to know you are not alone. Don't be shy and go on the forum to be helped, supported. You may even make new friends. Read this carefully. You feel like crap, I understand you. You feel it will never ends, you don't see the end, I hear you. I just want you.. yes YOU, to know you are worthy. You are someone, you deserve love, support, you deserve to live instead of surviving. Don't go away. You have plenty of qualities too.
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Like a fish out of water...
Goldeneye commented on Capulet's blog entry in A Grain of Salt & A Pound of Chocolate
Hello, I don't know where to start. Well, I think you are very solid, strong. First, I know how it is to be with someone like the Oompa. How many times I would twist my tongue to stay polite. So, you are good and I totally understand you want to stay in this home even with all the problems you have with it. It's sometimes hard, but keeping a good family relationships is, when possible, not a bad thing. We never know when we could need some help. For your school part, i won't talk for others, but it is an important part of your life. Where I come from, education is important and doing -
@samantha2009 Thank you for your support and explanations. They are very appreciated. I know it's normal to collapse someway or a little to medium, but I fear the day, if it happens one day, that I could collapse and stop moving. I fear to paralyse, to be unable to get out of bed and to go to work. More I think about it, I think I fear to lose control over myself. Thank you again and I'll think about what you said. Goldie
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To collapse completely. I'm seen as a tank my my friends. They don't even know what happened during too many years... I always keep going forward, I aim and reach my objectives. During college I collapsed for the first time. I stopped college, but I kept going to school after. When I dropped, I reoriented myself. Anyways, I didn't like it. I never took a break to think, it was a continuous reflections. I ended working, went back to school and now working and studying to reach the last level of my job. Since I started writing it, I did an exam and I had 90%, so I finally reached it. But I
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I'm so excited to do my exam in an hour and a half. I feel sooo ready.
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@samantha2009 and @fallenstar and others: I'm so proud of myself ! I received my grade and I had 90%. So, I'm no more an apprentice.
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@Goldeneye 🖤🌻 congrats friend! I am so happy for you
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I'm here, somewhere, crawling in the dark of my mind.
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I don't know why, but I'm worried of a good friend. She's not having good time and she underestimate herself. I hope she'll read this post and understand it's her. We started to chat on a question I asked her and we kept answering each other. We talk of everything and nothing. We talk of our days and sometimes of our problems. I think she's becoming to be on of my best friends in only a few weeks. It's weird.. sometimes I'm afraid it's a dream.. in all the friends I had, most of them are now only contacts. She's a great friend, a great mother and a great wife. She's comprehensive,
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Note to myself, new entry at top. 2020-04-28 I’ve sleep from around 1h30 am till 9am. A good night of sleep would be 10h and I know I didn’t sleep well cause I moved a lot and my blanket are all around. I remember a little of my dream. Today, I walked after diner with my mom and did nothing after oh a public chat and the nice chat with that good friend. The public chat went well, the first time since I’m using the new chat. I may not end chat mod, but I really want to help people in here. Today I feel like I don’t want to do anything. I almost went earlier to bed. But now it
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Hello Mason, I'm Goldeneye/Goldie and it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry you had to go true this. Take your time, there's no stress, no hurry here. When you'll be ready, we will be here to listen and to support you. You are not alone, I too feared what my family would have said and fear what friends would say. Just remember it wasn't your fault and you are not alone. Take good care, Goldie
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Thank you AS, with out you and your community I don't know if I would still be here or if I'd be able to continue. I owe you much.
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Sometimes, I wonder why did I go back there, I know I said I was use to it since it lasted around 10 years, but I knew I didn’t like it… I should of knew it would happen. Why would it been different than the day before? Why there’s a part of me that keep appreciating him ? He just used me. Did he knew what he was doing ? I love myself on a regular basis, but on that point, I hate myself and I’m far from forgiving myself. I was never drunk (except once but it was long after him, but I drank in his /$%?&* memories… Idiot I could be, I was sick as fuck that day, I don’t know if it was that or
We are here for you!
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