[Acknowledging rape years after it occurred. Is this normal?]

@Sunflower198 Hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry you recently realized these encounters were not consensual. You are not alone in this at all. I think as we get older we tend to realize a lot of things weren't how they seemed in the moments they were happening. I can relate to you myself with my own encounters! It was about 9 years after the fact that I realized these things for myself. Please know you are not at fault for knowing these things in those moments. The fact that you only realized this now doesn't take away from the horror of his actions or the validity of your pain and trauma. These are scary situations to navigate and there is no way to know what will happen to us in those moments- I know I tend to freeze up myself.

You are not alone in this pain. What happened to you was wrong and I hope being here with other survivors and their companionship can help you realize that your reactions and new realizations are all very normal.

Sending you support

 

sam 🖤🌻

[Backto3]

On 6/9/2020 at 9:23 AM, Backto3 said:

I was given this site by my t and was not going to even look at it, but I was curious to see if there was anything I could read that would help me. I started to read the testimonials and the very first one I read mentioned the words "silent screams" and it nocked the breath right out of me! Years ago I wrote a poem titled  " silent screams" so I closed out the site but the feeling of someone feeling the same thing never left me. I have trust issues so it's taken me since April to write this now. I don't know what to expect....that's just it, I don't know what to expect. 

Hello @Backto3 and welcome to After Silence. I am sorry you have reasons that bring you here, but we are glad you've found us. I didn't know what to expect the first time I signed up either- 10 years ago- but what I ended up finding was a supportive community where I made friends who actually understood some of the things I was feeling/ going through. It was a bit eye opening for my healing journey. I hope you are able to find some of the same support and comfort here that a lot of us members find and keep us coming back. Please know you are not alone and we are all here for you

sending support and sitting with you if okay?

sam 🖤🌻

[Hi - introducing myself]

On 6/10/2020 at 7:49 PM, fiercekitten said:

Hi everyone, I'm new here.  I got out of an abusive relationship last year and up until COVID happened was having support sessions with a DV counselor.  I've been struggling some recently due to unavoidable interactions with my ex and am looking forward to having a place where I can share with people who understand.

Hello @fiercekitten and welcome to After Silence. I am sorry you have to see your abusive ex that must be very triggering for you. I hope you are able to continue to see you DV counselor soon- it seems like that was a great source of support for you. The forums here are also full of extremely supportive members and resources about so many things- DV being one of them. I hope you are able to find comfort here in knowing that you are not alone. Sending you support!

 

sam 🖤🌻

[I didn't know where else to go]

On 6/12/2020 at 3:08 AM, Bunni3 said:

Hi, I would like to ask for some advice but nobody close to me could help me , it was suggested to me that i go on here and maybe someone could give me some advice on how to cope, i was on instagram and a random page posted a video of a man r*ping a minor, me and my friends made a report to the police and report the account and the post was later deleted but i still can't get the screaming out of my head, as a victim of sexual assault this really hits a nerve for me , I've tried really hard to forget it and suppress it but it makes it only worse and idk how to cope with it ? I've tried asking friends family but they all weren't much help could anyone possibly give me some advice ?

Hello @Bunni3 and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry you had to see such a traumatizing thing on a public, social media outlet. The horrible things I would see all the time on those platforms is why I have kept my distance for my own personal well being. Gosh, I can imagine seeing that must have been extremely triggering. I know it would have sent me into a spiral Is there a counselor or a therapist that you can talk to about this? I would imagine trying to ground yourself with pleasant things you enjoy can maybe take you out of the headspace where you are having "audio flashbacks". Maybe some music that you enjoy or makes you feel "happy"? Or a hobby that puts a smile on your face? I am so sorry you had to see this. Sending you support and I am here to talk if you need to.

Sitting with you

sam 🖤🌻

[Hi! New member here *Possible trigger warning*]

On 6/15/2020 at 3:19 PM, 13rose said:

Hello everyone,

****Sorry for the trigger warning, its not graphic just wasn't sure what would upset people in the forums, and wanted to play it safe*****

This is just my short introduction. I left a domestic abuse situation a few years ago and am now in a safe happy new life and relationship. However, I still struggle all the time with what happened to me, and some days are harder than others. It was emotional, sexual, and eventually physical abuse and in the end when I left I had to leave my cat behind with the abuser. Its been years, I even have a new cat now who I love to pieces and is completely different than the one that I lost however some days I just find myself crying for the cat I lost. I loved her so much and the thought that it feels like I basically abandoned her is something that is hard to cope with. I tried fighting for her but his name was on everything even though I paid for and took care of her. The day I ran he said I would never get to see her again and he was right. He even put her in his car the day I took the few things I could out of our apartment with the police there. I find myself looking through photos of her on days that are hard. I just remember how she use to run away from him when he would come home and hide. I couldn't save her, and the thought that she is most likely still alive and stuck with him without me hurts so bad. I also struggle with stuff due to the sexual experiences I had which I don't want to tmi anyone with too many details there. Everything has been a lot better but I thought it would be a good idea to try and join a community like this to share my story and help others.

Thanks for reading.

Hello @13rose Welcome to After Silence! I am so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but we are happy you are here with us. I am glad to hear you are in a safe, happy relationship- that can always be a source of comforting support through the healing process. It is unfortunate your ex was able to keep your cat I can imagine that must be very sad and painful for you. Sending you support if ok? I hope being here on the forums helps you feel less alone through the grieving process.

Sitting with you too, if ok

 

sam 🖤🌻

[NO MORE!]

On 6/16/2020 at 12:18 PM, Isaqueen said:

Hi,

I am 22 years old. I have been raped 3 times, and the worst one was by my ex-boyfriend. It hurt because I trusted him and loved him. I am no longer with him, but I struggle everyday to not feel damaged and broken. I never talk about what happened to me because I blamed myself for putting myself in these situations. I used to feel like I had so much light to share with others, and I can't find the light anymore. I've felt helpless. I believed I had it coming because I have been sl*t shamed. I've felt so alone because I fake a smile everyday. I don't want people to know I'm hurting, and I don't want to burden people with my pain. But I am here to say no more. No more victimizing myself. No more blaming myself. No more thinking about how I could have fought better. No more will these men control my daily life. No more will I feel ashamed or damaged. Because I know I've survived for a reason. I know that there are so many people that feel alone, and I want people to know that we are not alone. You wouldn't be a warrior without your battle scars. No more fear of not being believed. No more shame. We need to support each other because who else would. No more feeling alone. 

-Isa

Hello Isa

Welcome to After Silence! I am sorry for the trauma that brings you to the forums, but we are very glad you are here with us now Being here on the site, one thing you will learn quickly is you are not alone in this struggle. We are all here for each other. I know when I tend to feel absolutely isolated in my personal life, I come here and have felt the support from others many times where I felt completely hopeless. I hope you know you will never be a burden here ! Thank you for posting such an uplifting message at the end of your post. You are right- no more feeling alone!

Sitting with you if ok?

 

sam 🖤🌻

[Laughing along]

On 6/16/2020 at 6:12 PM, karakarakara said:

You can call me Mikya. I'm a trans man, a game development student, musician, writer, and a survivor.

I have experienced quite a lot of this type of trauma, to the point that I don't tell anyone of anything but incidents that everyone have proof, because I know no one will believe me anymore if I do. I've also laughed all of it off for my entire life, and I'm so tired of laughing. I want to grieve and be angry... I heard about this website from a friend I met in residential (for ED) and I decided I probably need a safe place to grieve since I have none outside of my partner -- I'm sure it's an incredibly big burden for her to carry when I'm struggling, especially since she struggles herself with other things, so I don't want her to bear the brunt of all of my trauma meltdowns and mood swings. I feel like it's safe to grieve and process things here. 

I'm in therapy, granted not as often as I need it due to insurance, so my therapist agreed it was important to find somewhere to process between sessions, and this community seems very welcoming. I hope to get to know you all and become friends.  

Hello Mikya

Welcome to After Silence! We are so glad you've joined us. I hope being here can help you process some of the things you are dealing with in therapy. There is actually a section here specifically about therapy sessions and topics related to what is dealt with in those settings. I hope this site can be as helpful for you as it is for me and other members here- I have learned so much about my own healing through other members experiences and information they have provided. It really is eye opening being here!

We believe you. Your trauma is valid and you deserve to find peace and mental clarity from the struggles you face.

Sitting with you if ok?

 

sam 🖤🌻

[New]

Hello @Polk and welcome to After Silence. I am sorry to hear that you have trauma that brings you here to the forums, but we are glad you found us Healing is definitely a complicated thing for everyone- being here helps us all feel not so alone during the process. It is also different for each one of us here,but you will find there are always people that can relate to your posts and posts that other members have made that may answer some questions you may have about your own struggles. I really hope this site can bring comfort to you-at least in knowing you are not alone through this.

Sending you support!

 

sam 🖤🌻

[Hi]

@Tee06 Hello and welcome to After Silence. I/ we are so glad you have found these forums. There are a lot of members here who were referred to the forums by their therapists/ counselors so I think you will find plenty of support and plenty of people to relate to here. Coming to the forums and talking about your trauma is a huge Milestone when it comes to healing- reaching out is sometimes so hard to do. I am so glad you did and that you are here! 💜

I hope you find comfort and validation being here and realizing you aren’t alone with your pain  

 

sam🖤🌻

[Back after 4 years]

@behindthesehazeleyes hello and welcome back  I was here years ago and chose and come back recently also. It has been helpful! 
 

I hope you are able to find the comfort and encouragement you seek here. There are tons of people with lovely souls here who help each other through the hardest times. 
 

We are all glad you’ve come back and we look forward to getting to know you on the forums 💜

sam🖤

[He received a year's probation]

@Annalisa oh gosh I am so sorry to hear what you have been through  I am not sure why justice and safety is not a priority for us. I am heartbroken you didn’t receive the protection you needed 💔 

I hope you can find comfort here on the forums. Sitting with you if okay? 
 

sam🖤

[Newbie]

@purpledime it just means if you’re comfortable, I’ll virtually “sit with you” for comfort  

 

sam🖤

[Two years later]

@bearmountains hello and welcome to After Silence! I am so sorry to hear of the trauma that brings you here, but we are glad you’ve found us  

your post is very relatable and a lot of us struggle with finding sex enjoyable. I hope you are able to find the comfort you need here. Sitting with you if okay? 
 

sam🖤

[Hi, I'm new here]

@itsthewendigo hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry for the trauma and abuse you’ve experienced from your family  I am so sorry you were met with disbelief with opening up about it to your family. Its absolutely scarring when people don’t believe 💔

good luck speaking with the investigator! Sitting with you if okay?

 

sam🖤

[Newbie]

@purpledime Oh I am so sorry to hear you are struggling with this  these urges with addiction are so tough, especially right now. I am sorry you have reasons to be here with us, but we are glad you’ve found this site  

sitting with you if okay? 
 

sam🖤

[My Introduction]

@Lily123 hello and welcome to After Silence! I am so sorry to hear of the traumas you have experienced that bring you here, but we are so glad you are here with us  

I know it can be so difficult to talk about things. It’s the thing I struggle with the most myself. Take your time and take care of yourself. 
 

sam🖤

[It's awkward to start something like this]

@Colleen21 Hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry to hear of the pain that brings you here, but we are so glad you’ve found us  the recent realization must have you full of so many different feelings right now, but you have come to the right place to try to sort through your emotions and things. I hope you find the comfort you seek here 💜

 

sam🖤

[Angers getting worse]

@Needpeace1 hello and welcome  

we are glad you are here with us 

 

sam🖤

[Newbie]

@wasitreal

Hello and welcome to After Silence! I am so sorry to hear your trauma is resurfacing. That is exactly what led me back to this site after 10 years. 
 

I hope being here and receiving comfort from others who have also experienced traumas eases the overwhelming feeling you are having. You are not alone in this pain.

It is so lovely to hear your husband is supportive for you. That can make a world of difference when it comes to the healing process.

sitting with you if okay?

sam🖤

[newbie]

@Jstoo hello and welcome to After Silence. We are so glad you are here with us  

 

 

sam🖤

[Hi there! (first post)]

@Karleigh Hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry you have a reason to be here, but we are very glad you have found us. This site is full of people who can understand your struggles and pain through the healing process. We are all going through this and we are all here to help each other 

My name is Sam and my interests are singing and dancing. I look forward to getting to know you here

 

sam 🖤

[New to sharing]

@Jayme hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry for the terror you have experienced and still experience from what you have endured  we are glad you have found us though! You are safe here. You are not alone. 
 

Just a few months ago, I was feeling this exact same way myself. Just being here has helped me realize I don’t have to struggle with this alone, even through the immense fear I still seem to have. 
 

 

sam🖤

[First post, thankful for community]

@peachycove hello and welcome to the forums  we are glad you are here!

 

sam🖤

[I’m New hear]

@Dolphinryder hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry for the pain that brought you looking for this site, but we are all so glad you’ve found us. You are not alone in this. We are all here to help each other  

I hope this site can bring you the comfort and company you seek. 

sam🖤

[New here and looking for support]

@Silver13 Hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry to hear what those people did to you  

I know it can feel so lonely in this process, but you are not alone. We are so glad you found us here. 
 

sending you support and a safe hug if ok?

 

sam🖤