Ican'tcry83

I want to thank everyone for all the warm welcomes! I'm not ready to go into details about the abuse I endured throughout my life but hopefully I will soon! Maybe then everyone will be able to better understand where I'm coming from. I've been thinking about trying to find a therapist but I don't even know how to bring that subject up with my fiance, he's pretty much ignored my past and he seems to think I'm ok. I need help, I just don't know if he'll stand by when I break down. I KNOW I need to break down, but I don't feel like I can, or deserve to. I keep thinking if I keep pretending I'm ok

I've been coming to this website for quite some time now but I could never bring myself to join as a offical member, silly I know I guess I keep telling myself what everyone else keeps telling me "get over it, it was a long time ago and it's in the past, move on". I've been abused sexually, physically, and emotionally all of my life, or atleast the parts of my life I can remeber. I don't know what it feels like to truly feel, and I'm not sure at this point if I ever will. I thought I had dealt with all of this, and that I could atleast move on with my life, I always thought I deserved that, bu