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hi ruth, welcome to As.
i can totally relate to what you are experiencing .... one of the hardest things for me in terms of speaking was letting go of the fear that he would come find me ... sorry i don't have better advice, but i can relate!
take care,
sef
hey there! sorry for the reasons that have brought you to AS, but i'm glad you found it! I'm new here too and it's been so supportive and welcoming! hope you find it to be the same