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I'm Afraid To Lose Weight

Melvin

Entry posted by Melvin ·

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In the last year or so I've gained quite a bit of weight. I now have stretch marks all over because of how quickly I gained it. I didn't try to gain it it just kind of happened because I went off my medication for a while because I kept not getting to the doctor. I was afraid of the fact that I didn't have insurance. I used to look in the mirror and love myself but now I look in the mirror and I see something completely unattractive. I didn't wear shorter shorts this summer, I didn't wear my favorite sun dresses, I couldn't afford to buy all the cute new clothes I would have loved to be able to wear.

I am beautiful, but I don't feel that I can be sexual. My weight feels like too much of a burden. But even with all that insecurity I feel wonderful. I don't feel as scared anymore. I'm aware that victims come in all shapes and sizes, but I just feel less like an option for predators and I have less propositions in general. It makes me feel safer.

I want to be healthy, but I'm afraid to lose weight. I'm afraid of adding some other guy to the list of people that wouldn't listen when I said "No" or set a boundary.

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Hester

I can totally relate to this. I buried my pain and paranoia under a fat suit for 15 years. It felt safe for the same reason you described. Just recently lost most of it and the pain and paranoia are back. That's why I'm here. Thank you for putting this fear into words. It helps me to see that someone else understands it and you've given me some important insight. We both deserve to be happy.

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Melvin

Thanks for the comment Hester, and I couldn't agree more that we both deserve to be happy. I hope we both have success overcoming these feelings... Congratulations on what I hope is a healthy road though! Hopefully you can come to a place where you can enjoy it completely.

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