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Post-Therapy Grousing


CopperPhoenix

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Skye here. I know the rules...but we all know that already. Blog time.

I am cranky. Crabby. Granted, it's mostly post-Aqua grouchiness...but that doesn't make me any easier to live with.

We all get cold when we get stressed out. Or scared. Or when we switch too much. Today was an Aqua day. We hit all of those fun things and more. Knowing that was gonna happen (though we did NOT bank on a new little Insider showing up halfway there on the bus!) we wore a long-sleeved shirt.

We get cold, and cold is a trigger for many of us...including Copper. So we dressed for our internal thermostat, not what the weatherman said. If that means we were waiting for a bus in long sleeves when the outside temp was near 90F, so be it. We did, in fact, find ourselves standing in full sun...shivering.

And then there were the looks. I know full well what the body's arm looks like. Some of the marks are my fault. Most are not...but the fact remains that we do have a pretty significant cutting problem. We never bother to hide the marks. If we want to wear short sleeves, we wear short sleeves. If we want to be warm, we wear long sleeves. It's all about comfort.

But damn it, people look and people judge. People who know that Copper cuts look at our arms when we wear long sleeves out of season. We see people stretch their eyeballs around, trying to discreetly see if there's marks up under these cuffs.

Well, you can all take those "discrete" looks and shove them. Even totally checked out, we know the difference between a normal glance and a "does she have new cuts?" look.

Y'all can kiss my ass.

Is there a possibility that tomorrow's cuffs will, in fact, cover fresh marks? Yes. But you know what? That can be said on any day. The collective "I", the whole person known as Copper C. Phoenix cuts. We try to use other methods to cope, but it happens. There's a decent chance on any day that my cuffs cover marks.

So fucking what?

Today I got knocked out of the way and a new Insider, a little girl about 6 years old manifested. We were on the bus heading for Aqua, and nobody was able to establish a state of co-consciousness with her. That means that little Dolly was walking around in a strange place, running on intuition and guts. (Racer was able to communicate with her some, tell her things like when to get off the bus and where to go...but she had full control.)

She did not need to have people looking at her arms. Our friend Gem sat with her, tried to get her to talk, but Dolly was too shy. That does not change the fact that Gem looked for fresh marks. I'd kind of like to chew her out...but she did make an attempt to connect with Dolly. (And yes, Gem does know that we are a multiple.)

Honestly, I'm just cranky. Even if I hadn't been coping with looks all day, I'd still be cranky. We saw Aqua and it was intense and we didn't even get to the issues that Orange is frothing over.

I'm tired, the body feels like shit, and we've got the mother of all reaction headaches building.

And the need to cut is rising again.

I hate the post-therapy crash.

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Sorry no words today but we totally understand the post therapy crash that includes the need and want to cut.

Can we sit with you all?

Fieldy and Us

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