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When he dates before you do...

sk8er

Entry posted by sk8er in Upset ·

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It's weird because, I recently found out In a really awkward way, and by accident, that my ex started seeing someone new after only (maybe a month?) of breaking up, and with gaining that information there came a few questions In my head I guess that I didn't undestand fully.

First off, a month ago (or some time approximetly) he was promising me a commited relationship...that he wanted to try again and that he still really loved me....he would send tiktoks regarding children and a possible future with me, as well as reposting lots of couple/family content (which I thought was for me, since we we're dating).

We've had a tomultous past, lots of on and off situations...but I told him this time was different for me, and that I was putting my all Into It. That he didn't need to be perfect around me, just that he needed to love me and Include me In his process (his mental health Issues that he has), which he said yes to and acted like he was "good" about It.

Now given all this Information, It felt weird to me that he "gave up on me so easily" at the first sight of an argument, because I truly gave all my unconditional love and was done trying to look for somebody else. Plus, all the things he said he wanted to do with me, build a family, be a commited partner...etc, I felt like he played me In my face or just plain lied to me the whole time....but regardles of all of that, the moment he broke up with me, I accepted It.

Now all this time I've been alone, healing by myself, mending the closure he never gave me...trying to figure out why he would treat me all these awful ways...and he's out there dating, It makes me feel stupid...but then I thought, why Is that stupid? Im just doing what's best for me right now....and If he wants to date around that's up to him, that's his decision.

But the thing that keeps bothering me Is...I just don't think someone can move on that easily from somebody else, unless they don't actually like them anymore or have already found someone else...and the week before we broke-up he mentioned he was still healing from a past relationship....which should've been a red flag already....and It did concern me at the time, but bringing It up again led to the break-up.

I think he already had someone lined-up before breaking-up with me or he just didn't like me anymore...or both....and that's the only two possible explanations that I have of him dating another person so quickly after breaking up. I just haven't seen him move on from people so quickly In general, unless there's something else going on.

And part of me thinks "I shouldn't care about this!", because I really shouldnt...he can do what he wants but, It just feels like a bigger betrayal when someone made you hopeful or lied to you during the dating phase....for me, building a family Is very Important....he knew that....there's no way he didn't know that saying stuff like that made me feel hopeful of the relationship.

Then there's this really nasty after-feeling I'm getting, to just get out there and date someone....as some form of competition....like, why do I feel that way?...I don't want to date someone right now, I don't feel ready, especially after being betrayed like this...I really don't want to, so why should I?...why do I feel this sudden pressure to "show him" or "show people" that I'm over It, when I'm not?

It all feels really messy right now. But I've come to the conclusion that It really Isn't about who Is "dating sooner", but who Is ready and happy to do so, and I do hope he's happy In a weird and strange way....I hope he Is genuienly dating someone for commitment, unlike he did with me. I will find my happiness In other places, people or things, and I'm hopeful of that...sometimes that makes me feel like a loser but I think I'd rather be a loser than an asshole who Is just dating someone for revenge.

I would like to meet someone one day though, I genuienly find people Interesting to get to know...everybody has different stories. If I keep looking for that, I think eventually I'll be okay again.

 

 

 

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awi

Hi friend.  I get it when the person we were in a relationship finds someone later it always feels weird, sad, happy etc. Knowing that maybe lack of loyalty happened before the break up does matter and affect because trust was broken within the context of a reciprocal exclusive relationship.  What you feel is totally normal and right no over reacting at all.  And then you are left without being able to hold the person accountable or even ask because you are already in a different stage away from the relationship.  What I can gather is that most likely you will never be friends. You dodged a bullet. You deserve better and will one day meet someone who is a keeper. 

You will feel better day by day.  Sitting with you and keeping you company during this part of your journey @sk8er

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sk8er
On 9/8/2026 at 8:00 PM, awi said:

Hi friend.  I get it when the person we were in a relationship finds someone later it always feels weird, sad, happy etc. Knowing that maybe lack of loyalty happened before the break up does matter and affect because trust was broken within the context of a reciprocal exclusive relationship.  What you feel is totally normal and right no over reacting at all.  And then you are left without being able to hold the person accountable or even ask because you are already in a different stage away from the relationship.  What I can gather is that most likely you will never be friends. You dodged a bullet. You deserve better and will one day meet someone who is a keeper. 

You will feel better day by day.  Sitting with you and keeping you company during this part of your journey @sk8er

Hi @awi, good to hear from you again, and I hope you're doing well.

Thank you for making me feel like I had a valid reason to feel upset about this. I've kept pretty quiet In general about the whole situation, but the few people I do tell what It was really like to have him lie to me like that, also agree It was a form of betrayal and, like you said, lack of loyalty. Maybe he didn't quite literally cheat, but he still played with my feelings.

After breaking-up, there definietly was a feeling of unfairness that maybe he will never be held accountable for his actions, but as for today I don't feel that any longer.

I wish I could say "life will teach him", or "karma will get him", but sometimes that doesn't happen for some people. Sometimes life still treats people well, even when they don't do things right...but If you ask me, If life doesn't "teach him" to be responsible for his actions, he'll never grow and keep making the same mistakes, and that sounds like a loss for him.

I genuienly don't wish anything bad for him, but yeah, we can't be friends.

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awi
On 9/13/2026 at 7:23 AM, sk8er said:

Hi @awi, good to hear from you again, and I hope you're doing well.

Thank you for making me feel like I had a valid reason to feel upset about this. I've kept pretty quiet In general about the whole situation, but the few people I do tell what It was really like to have him lie to me like that, also agree It was a form of betrayal and, like you said, lack of loyalty. Maybe he didn't quite literally cheat, but he still played with my feelings.

After breaking-up, there definietly was a feeling of unfairness that maybe he will never be held accountable for his actions, but as for today I don't feel that any longer.

I wish I could say "life will teach him", or "karma will get him", but sometimes that doesn't happen for some people. Sometimes life still treats people well, even when they don't do things right...but If you ask me, If life doesn't "teach him" to be responsible for his actions, he'll never grow and keep making the same mistakes, and that sounds like a loss for him.

I genuienly don't wish anything bad for him, but yeah, we can't be friends.

His biggest loss was losing you.  If he ever knows it or not.  I am glad you are in a good place and moving forward. So good to talk to you friend.  

sitting with you 

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sk8er
17 hours ago, awi said:

His biggest loss was losing you.  If he ever knows it or not.  I am glad you are in a good place and moving forward. So good to talk to you friend.  

sitting with you 

True! thanks

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