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Struggling through depression with my new diagnosis of BPD

sk8er

Entry posted by sk8er in Upset ·

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Hello everyone. I guess It's been a minute but I hope everyone's doing okay.

I really want to say I'm doing well but, I've recently felt like I've fallen In a wave of sadness, and It hasn't been an easy one compared to some depression episodes I've had In the past.

I recently got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (also known as BPD), because of my prolonged depression over the years (that has been on and off) and a few other symptoms including my inability to remain In a stable romantic relationship. Was I super surprised with my diagnosis? not really...In fact, I feel like It took them too long to get me diagnosed for real this time.

It made me feel validated In a way, but also a bit sad that It took too long to get my diagnosis, considering how long I've been on medication without a proper reason other than "prolonged depression".

I know this Isn't like a "fatal diagnosis" In general, and there's treatments and therapy that can help, but sometimes when I get these mood swings or episodes I feel so hopeless. This time It hit me like a train...I hadn't experienced such a deep depression In a really long time, ever since I was a teenager...It made me feel like I was going backwards In all the progress I've made over the years.

Part of me remains a bit hopeful however, and whenever I can get out of bed I make the most of It. I take my meds, I eat something, I shower. I appriciate those little bursts of energy that I rarely get to take care of my self. Then I go back to bed...

I keep fighting because I really want my life back, the life I used to have. And I know none of my dreams can be done laying In bed.

Anyways that's my update. I might make another update about some other things I'm struggling with also which have to do with some personal beliefs, but that's a whole different topic.

For now, I'm happy with what I wrote.

Lots of love everyone, keep fighting...

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awi

Welcome back friend.  Thank you for the update.  I am glad they found a right DX.  Sometimes it takes a while.  Actually finding a diagnoses that is correct may feel like a relief and also this didn't suddenly happen.  Like you have had this maybe always and the DX just validates you.  It is not a life sentence and you will learn to get better tools the right ones to keep navigating life in the best way possible.  Feeling down is something all humans have felt from time to time.  When it is long lasting we need some extra tools and help to move forward.  I keep a diary of tasks and sometimes try to do small chores not giant mountains.  Telling others how we feel often brings some sort of relief.  How ever long or short lasting it may be little by little each step at a time and knowing others stand by you and will be there for you no matter what.   I think it is always important to be the boss of our medical team. Find a solid group to support us hiring the right people and those are the ones we choose. 

I am proud of you.  Check your thyroid hormones just in case, sometimes things come by twos and if one can be helped with a supplement or life change that is always good 

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