I don't know what's holding me back exactly. It's been an odd time, I think. My instinct is to take things slowly, to concentrate on a few recurring tasks that I want to master, that I want to take pride in. Work towards a few broader goals. And then focus on the conversations and connections that I make in the moment with people that I love - taking the time to listen to them, appreciate, and trust ourselves to problem-solve later. We can keep talking through what causes us anxiety. Discomfort is temporary if we are able to disagree lovingly, knowing that everyone is committed to meeting each other's needs as best we can. We are clever, creative and compassionate creatures. We just need to return to each other's concerns and be kind and appreciative and generous to each other in the moment. It isn't us and them, it's you and me. 

Yes, there is a lot to handle. But I am not alone. I'm coming to understand more about myself. I think that I am becoming more securely attached in my relationship, and that's important, I think. I am reminding myself to take joy in doing dishes, and cooking for my fiancé. He is kind and attentive to the children and he is patient with me. I can rely on him and that feels safe. And what about me? I am learning to be kinder to myself. I am remembering facets of myself that got me through adversity. 

I am trying to build a life of my own.