"Being forgotten when you die" Isn't very likely to happen to people...statistically....apparently...according to some youtube video I saw....

And, In the comment section of that same youtube video, people seemed to be relieved, glad that didn't happen. They we're glad somone would remember them after they passed, because even if they weren't conscious of It, their memory would live on...

And when I think about that...when I think about all of this, I don't feel relieved....I don't feel glad...and at first, I didn't know why I didn't feel any of those things. I questioned If there was something wrong with me? why does everyone feel relieved when they hear that but I dont?

And then after sitting with It for a while....It came to me a little more clearly...I just don't feel afraid of being forgotten as much as I fear other things In my life...

I fear It a bit sure, beacuse the concept of not feeling like you "existed" even though you lived a whole life time on earth? Is so devastating and so invalidating to your own experiences. It's like saying, everything you went through was for nothing because no one noticed It, and....everybody wants to feel a bit noticed and recognized. I get that, I truly get that. In my mind the reasons are very clear to me, but emotionally? I'm not sure Im 100% there..

And of course, I do feel afraid of It, as other people do too, just not as much. And maybe this will sound cold and heartless, but I've never really wanted for anyone to cry for me If I die. And I know It will happen inevitably and I can't expect otherwise, or even blame them...cause I would also cry for the people I love If they weren't here anymore. But for some reason I just don't care If someone remembers me afterwards, I don't even think I'll know If they do remember me, you know? cause...wherever I'm going after I'm dead Is sort of a mystery to me, so I don't know If I'll even get a consciousness where I'm a ghost (let's say) and I'm like "Oh thank god! they still keep tabs on me", like no girl, go live your life, do your things. If It helps you to remember me or Inspires you In some way, go ahead, I fully support you, as long as Its helping you, but other than that, I don't need to be remembered by anybody.

I like to think that the life I lived--or Im still living lmao, Is proof enough that I did do something worth while, and I feel confident enough to say that I don't need anybody to see that In order for my life to feel valid and real...and worth while...and I don't blame anybody who wants that, I just personally don't feel the same. Wherever I go after I die Is my second adventure and I feel like I'll be to busy living that to worry about my memory...

I feel like "keeping the memory of someone" Is a very "earthly" and "human" thing to do...and It makes sense why It Is that way...our lives aren't eternal, so we cherish the memories, because the memories are brief, and so are the people....It's one of the sweetest things we can do about something like that. But I just feel like, It should stay an "earthly" thing....because, I'm not sure we can control the memory of us In the "afterlife", nor we should worry about It.

I won't try to change anyone's mind If they want to be remembered, but I wish I could encourage those people to think bigger, to let go of this concept that you need someone else to see you In order to just exist.

I can't force (and I won't force) the belief that we are spirits In a body, but If we were, then we are so much bigger than this earth and Its history. And I just wish people knew that not being seen doesn't mean you're ever alone or left behind. I believe we are always connected no matter which state In life we're at. That's why even when I feel alone I try to remind myself that's not true In the bigger scheme of things.