You’ve genuinely stole everything from me and I dont know how I am ever going to be able to get it back. 

Like, you literally brought me back to life only to tear me back down again. 

You honestly really enjoyed that fact that I was scared of you, it like lit you up inside everytime I would flinch or have to hold back my tears while driving us somewhere. 

I dont know how things got so tremendously bad with us in only four months time, it makes absolutely no sense at all. 

The way that I utterly believed in you actually disgusts me now and I pray to god every single night that I never let myself become that far gone ever again because of a man. 

I truly wouldve ended my life for you if that is what you needed out of me to make you happy. 

How much do I hate myself to even consider something like that?  

For what?  

Your fucking validation? 

The validation that you gave me was always so sort lived and immediately after you are telling me everything I am doing wrong once again. 

I was never perfect enough for you, you always wanted to turn me into the woman you truly wanted. But I just wanted you to want me... 

I fed off your energy so much. So codependent. So in love. 

It’s funny how things happen this way. You tell each other that nothing could ever seperate you two and you’d do anything for them, but when your person becomes so violent and evil towards you I just wanted my way out and thankfully God answered my prayers and gave me a second chance at life.  

I seriously need to force myself to believe that you were meant to be a lesson for me in my life because if i cant make myself believe that im never gonna give another man a chance ever again and just wait for you forever. 

In my mind we will have these soul ties forever and you truly are my soulmate.  

Its hard to just move on from someone that you saw being your husband and the father to your kids. 

Even now when I close my eyes and think about my future I still see you there.. 

I know that I have ruined all our chances to ever  be happy but I just hope one day when all this is over that you can really understand why I did this and forgive me. 

Because I truly forgive you for all that you did to me and I still love you so much more than I’ve ever loved anybody in my whole entire life. 

I get so terrified about forgetting anything about you, sometimes I start to forget what you look like, like I cant exactly picture you in my head anymore and that makes me extremely upset to be honest with you. 

Those voicemails are genuinely the only thing that can keep me going. 

I’m so anxious about writing my victim impact statement about you, I really dont want to hurt you more than I already have but it’s like I dont have any choice anymore. 

You’ve left me with no other options for me to choose from at this point. 

But I know that you need serious mental health deep down.  

Even though you choose to believe therapy wont help you I just really hope you decide to do that for me because it would show me you are actually wanting to change yourself to be better. I need you to be better. Your kids do. & so does everyone else. 

I want us to be able to be better after all this is done with and I can actually come and see you and even if i have to beg for your forgiveness or work for your trust all over again I would be willing to do that.  

I seriously will love you for the rest of my life, regardless how all of this ends up being like at the end.