Angel In A Box
Entry posted by masongator in Processing ·
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Today was emotionally a hurricane for me. Everything seemed to remind me of my brother and everything about my brother reminded me of him touching me and every reminder of him touching me just brought the snickering sound of my mom laughing his abuse off and defending him. I struggled with the fact that she didn't get me a single present because she doesn't love me. It all set in how much of a lie my life had been. Staring at the forgotten remains of the childhood I thought I had all day broke me a little. I started crying at work. It really truly felt like I wasn't worth loving if even my mom couldn't love me after learning I'd been molested by her other child. Some friends cheered me up and offered to be there when the day comes. It helped a little but it was still such a raw pain. Then, I get home from work and a little bit later, I hear UPS truck pulling up. Who ordered that? Certainly wasn't my worthless mother. I haven't placed my own orders yet. It was from my aunt.
Suddenly all the pain dissolved, if just for a few minutes. But those few minutes were some of the happiest I'd been in recent memory. The stuffed animal below, a maned wolf whose name is Paprika, was inside the box. I couldn't stop hugging her. I laid her over top of me. I felt like a happy little kid again. I felt like my little inner child, my little Silas, got a taste of peace and compassion in those few minutes. I can't pull myself away from her sweet face and soft fur. I love my aunt. Sometimes angels have halos, sometimes they have long legs, perky ears, fluffy fur and a sweet face for kisses and cuddles.
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