I’ve been afraid to write anything for a while because I now have a new fear where I’m scared of people thinking I’m always “bad”, or always going through something…which Is not true, at least I don’t think It’s that simple.

I think this place became so comfortable for me that at a certain point, I only came here to share all my Issues…and maybe I made It seem like that was all there was In my life…

My days are usually filled with “gray areas”. Good and bad things happen to me all the time, or maybe even In the same day. But I don’t think a lot of people know that about me, and It’s my fault for not sharing It.

If I could go back In time to when I started writing here, I wish I would’ve shared more positive things, because I made It a habit to always orbit back to talking about the “not so good” times I had.
 

Surprisingly enough, at that time In my life I didn’t get to share most of my negative thoughts with the people around me. Sometimes they weren’t interested In It (which Is fair, we all have our days) but some would assume or “classify” me as someone that’s “always going through something”…and that always itched me.

I guess somewhere along the line I just stopped sharing any negative thing that happened to me, even the small things because I didn’t want people to put me In a box and believe that tragedies were all there Is to me. Im still afraid of others thinking that too.

Even though I know myself and I know deep Inside that Im not defined by the things that happen to me. Others don’t seem to believe It and It makes me doubt myself. 
 

I know I don’t need to say these things but, I’m the best I’ve ever been In my life since a long time ago. I have my dream job that pays me well enough to live. Some days I don’t even want to go home because I’m having so much fun doing the thing I love. I’ve never experienced that before…

Yes I might’ve broken up with my boyfriend but, I learned so much from that relationship. It was my first relationship where things werent toxic. We ended In good terms and we’re still good friends. Things just weren’t working as well as before, but we grew so much as people and I don’t regret having that experience. It was like my first real and honest relationship.

Im also a year from graduating and I don’t have to worry about looking for a good job because I already feel like I have one. 
 

I stream on twitch every Sunday and It’s something I’ve been working on for a really long time

And yes, I’m EXHAUSTED, and yes I COMPLAIN a lot. But objectively, I’m doing sooo much better than I’ve ever been. And even as tired as I am, my heart Is fulfilled every time I go to bed, because I’m doing what I love, and I went through hell and back to get here, all by myself. And I’m proud of myself. AND I THINK IM NOT NEGATIVE OKAY 🥲 It’s just my personality