this is what i wanted to ask for advice on in that thread, the one where i then got really upset and edited it to "please disregard" and then had that somatic flashback.

whatever was stopping me, maybe i worked through it with that. i was able to tell them the truth about why i've been away.

no one has reacted yet. doubtful they've even seen it. but i halfway don't care anymore how they react. i've done what i needed to do. now i can only wait.