At Grief Group today, the therapist said that sometimes I am very quiet, but when I talk I have very insightful thoughts. I thanked him for that observation - it felt good to get that sort of compliment, and it seems like many members of the group appreciate my perspective. Today I am taking note of feeling seen. It is quite wonderful. There was a new person at group today, an older lady who had just lost her husband some months ago. She talked about the depression phase, and if it ever gets easier. 

I said two things.

One, when you have that night when you are alone, and you can't imagine how you can live through this moment because the pain is unbearable. It's the longest night in the world, but in the morning you know that you have already lived it, you got through the worst night of your life. It's never going to be that bad again. You lived through it, you'll be OK with all the shitty nights that don't descend quite as far into that lost, despairing place. You know now that you will come back.

Two, that grief is the cost of being loved. If the person who is dead was a terrible person, you could go "Asshole! I'm glad they're dead!" but instead they were among the most wonderful humans to walk the earth. This is the price that you pay for giving and receiving love. We are the lucky ones.