Turtle's Tellings

I think I can relate to some of your posting...my special friend after the "r" word announced to me that his exwife was considering a reconciliation...funny...I sat there in the restaurant not being able to eat...he even commented about that..oh, yeah, I was really hungry after that announcement...He went on to tell me that "I can't give this up yet"...I asked him to clarify- and he clarified that he couldn't give me up yet...so, I tried to still go out with him, knowing he had just "r" me, knowing he was seeing his ex...and then I could not stand it any longer...I broke it off/we broke it off, who cared at that point...and then I let him have it in the emails- that he had "r" me and he needed to clear it with his spiritual advisor before remarrying her. Well, that just set off the ugliness between both of us...and then I had a dream! In that dream I saw him being arrested- and at our ages, I knew this would be so awful and destructive for him. I guess all I wanted was an answer "why"? Why did he go against my will, why didn't he stop when I told him to, why did he brutally hold me down against my will? We exchanged hateful texts until after that dream- I knew God did not want us to hate each other...we needed to stop our threats- my threat to have him arrested and his threat of harassing him, or however he termed it...anyway, we are chatting at this point on a friendly basis...he claims he went to the Philippines- and only the Lord knows what took place there..I have met with him a couple of times...I know what his motive is! He wants me to take back the "r" word- but I cannot and will not. I did say to him in a text that if he wants, we can sit down in a public place where he can share is view of that event and I can share my view. But "r" is still "r"....anyway, for those text,you can forward them to your computer, keep a file, and not have to be faced with them or come across them accidentally. That is what I did...

Thank you for reading and replying guessangelina. I applaud you for being able to even be around him. I get an anxiety attack when I even THINK I might see him. Him and M are still together to this day. He once said that I was the only girl she didn't like because I was the only one she had to worry about him leaving her for. I hear she still doesn't like me. I wonder if she knows what he did?

You don't have to answer if you don't want to of course, but I'd like to ask you a few things.

Aren't you afraid he might do it again?

How do you manage to have a "relationship" with him?

How do you not hate him??