14/07/2023
Entry posted by forestmistheather in Therapy reflections ·
424 views
Today was kind of a slow session, but strangely it made me really tired, so I was really glad I only had 45 minutes to work this afternoon. We talked about a few things, about the guy who assaulted me on the tube when I was 16, that my mum basically didn't want to know when I tried telling her about it. We talked about my mum quite a lot actually, how she treated me and my sister differently, and whether she ever felt guilty for leaving us in the care of the uncle who abused us (though I don't remember the abuse as I was too young) - I say feel guilty because she already knew what he was like as she'd been assaulted by him previously when she was a teen (her sister that he was married to was 20 years older than her so in her 30s when she married him and my mum in her teens). We talked about my fear and disgust around sex and where that comes from. I figured the disgust comes from my father, seeing him touch himself when I was young, I remember that always disgusting / appauling me. But the fear was harder to work out. The only thing I could think of was that with my sister remembering the abuse and it always affecting her - she had a nervous breakdown when she was 15/16, and I remember this particular day my mum and dad were out and she was just going absolutely balistic screaming the house down in the hallway throwing shoes at her head, and I was trying to grab them off her and throw them into the front room as fast as she picked them up. And that was all down to the abuse. And I think the bad things that happen because of sex have always stayed with me. That and the abuse that happened, although it was never exactly talked about in our house (because we talked about NOTHING in our household!), it hung over the house like a lead weight around the neck. As I said to my T, it's like no-one explicitly told me about the abuse that I can remember, but I always knew about it (maybe the memory's there in the deep dark depths of the mind somewhere after all - I really hope not). Actually, when I type it out, we covered quite a lot. It's perhaps not surprising I was tired.
1 Comment
Recommended Comments
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now