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An Awkward Encounter

asparkofcourage

Entry posted by asparkofcourage in Another Day In ·

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My mom and dad came over yesterday and stayed the night at my house.  My husband and father were going hunting today early in the morning.  Last night, while alone with my dad, he asked me if I have talked to my brothers recently and which ones. I think he's catching on to me not talking to the oldest (my abuser). He's asked me that before and I've always managed to just avoid it but he was staying at my house so I couldn't deflect normally.  I just got him talking on his military experiences and that seemed to fix that.  The next morning while they were hunting, my mom asked me to go shopping with her and I agreed even though I didn't want to.  I decided to drive because it made me feel more in control of the situation.  Only a few moments being in the car, she began talking about a girl my age who she works with, who had also been r****, who she is trying to minister to.  Jesus and R****, my favorite topics.  25 mins listening to this, focusing on driving the car to keep me grounded.  I kept thinking little does she know her own son betrayed her 9 year old daughter's trust.  I know I want to tell them and all these moments make me want to just confess but I know it's not the right time.  Although I suppose, like babies are, it will never be the right time.  Because I need control so badly over my life, I want to be able to control every little detail myself.  Soon though. I do want this off of my chest.  And I'm tired of being guilted into speaking to a man who did some awful things to me.   But I'm also nervous if I tell them, they'll try to get me to forgive as Jesus would.  UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Also, on a side note.  My parents told me today that there are demons in my house, just because my dad experienced some sleep paralysis last night.  Ugh..... I just kept saying there are no demons in my home.  You were experiencing a common event that a lot of people go through.  You didn't have your insomnia meds so you self medicated with Benadryl and it didn't work as well so of course, you brain did some freaky things.  So infuriating.  My husband just joked along about it, but I was triggered by their comments.   

They were really sweet to my dogs though.  That made me happy.   And my mom cursed, so that was cool.  

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sk8er

Oh noo, that car ride must've been awful, I can only Imagine trying to be In control of a situation and them still finding a way to put you on edge (purposefully or not, It's still a dreadful experience). Im sorry this happened to you, truly.

Setting bounderies when they're so close to you Is a big challenge too...I've tried It and In the end realized I still needed my distance and time alone. Hope you're taking care and things work out for the better ⭐

 

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asparkofcourage
On 5/6/2023 at 10:00 PM, sk8er said:

Oh noo, that car ride must've been awful, I can only Imagine trying to be In control of a situation and them still finding a way to put you on edge (purposefully or not, It's still a dreadful experience). Im sorry this happened to you, truly.

Setting bounderies when they're so close to you Is a big challenge too...I've tried It and In the end realized I still needed my distance and time alone. Hope you're taking care and things work out for the better ⭐

 

Thank you for your words.  Hopefully I can avoid those kinds of situations until I'm further in my healing.  Distance always helps me too. 

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