I feel like my life is just going through motions every day. I’m pretty depressed today. The thoughts of SH are ever present. It makes me want to scream.

*SH TRIGGER*

is it horrible to say I want to scream by cutting because I don’t know how else to speak?

im afraid to go to therapy and tell him (my T) this. And therapy is so fucking expensive.

it’s All I wanna do but I know it does nothing. I feel like somewhat of a failure for not self harming…like…it sounds so backwards…I have the thoughts. The thoughts go on and on, on repeat. I think part of me thinks I deserve to be tormented…if not, why couldn’t I just stop this?! Or at the very least, self harm and get some relief…

*END of TRIGGER

i took one of my moms klonopin. So maybe I can sleep and my mind calms down.