does the fear ever go away?
every time i leave my dorm building, i cant breathe. I cant really be around anyone. I have cancelled plans with three people this week because i don't have the energy and I dont want to see them. whenever i am walking to class I feel like he is about to pop up behind me or he is following me. when i hear foot steps behind me I will walk out of my way to make sure that whoever is behind me isnt following me. my heart drops when i hear people near me for the sheer fact it could be him. i keep thinking maybe i should find a guy and force myself to sleep with him because maybe he didnt ruin me? maybe i am okay and being over dramatic. maybe i can be intimate with someone without crying or freaking out. but i know i cant. because he did ruin me. he ruined all of me and i dont know how to fix it. my roommate walked into our schools counseling center so i could get paperwork to schedule an appointment. i couldnt breathe after leaving there and that wasnt even the hard part.
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