So my T who I've had for 3 years is leaving and it's really unsettled me. He's been like a rock in my life even though I've not been able to talk to him about a lot of things like how I feel about things because I so often don't know. And now that he's leaving I've started to feel - a lot. I've gone from numb to a wreck. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to process it. I don't want to be numb again. But I don't want to feel out of control with my feelings. I'd like them to just be 'normal' and tolerable. But I don't know how to make them that. I also have a partner it seems. It seems so weird as I haven't seen anyone in donkeys years - no-one of any significance ever. I don't quite know how to handle it. And I definitely don't know if I should tell my sister. She's just been devastated by losing he partner to suicide. It would seem so insensitive to say 'and look at me, I'm really happy with a new partner'. There are some weird things about him though. Like him offering to pay for my flight when he's only known me for a little over a week. It was a really heavy T session today. We talked through a lot. I cried a lot. It made me realise just how isolated and alone and scared I feel. And also how much I don't like to look inside my mind for fear of hearing all the noises of these voices chatting away - contradictory feelings that I don't understand and that are painful. But they are singing loud and clear at the moment. And I don't want to shut them up - I just want them to quieten down a little. I just don't know how to get them to.