This one isn't a poem today, unfortunately.  I think it'd make things easier for me if it was, heh.  Although, today, I'm just going to talk about something.  More of a "someone."  This "someone" is my mother's bf.  I'll say, "Mark."  Now, technically, I wouldn't consider Mark much of my mom's bf.  More of less, six years ago when I was 12 years old, my family needed to move out immediately and so she found Mark online who was looking for a roommate.  Well, he came with a few cons.  More like, a bunch.  He has a 9 year old daughter that lived with us.  I'll call her, "A" as I'll definitely be talking about her later in my blog.  One thing to know is that she abused me the first day she slept there, which was in the same room with my sister, although, she was passed out.  I know... weird!!  It happened next to my sister AND this girl was younger than me.  I'm still healing from that.  

Anyway, my family has been with Mark for about 6 years now.  The first 3-4 years were absolute crap, I'll talk about all of that later in my blog as well.  (I've got a lot to share!!)

Before officially starting, I want to apologize for any typos.  I'm on my phone and also in the dark with my eyes being very droopy. 

Within all the times that my family has lived with Mark, he's done some things that really piss people off.  For example, when you say one thing wrong or you say something that may not be right according to statistics, history, or science, he gives you this look.  He stares at you and makes you feel like a complete idiot!!  On top of that, he'll "quote" that mistake and bring it up many times.  More like a "joke," but he'll just bring it up casually.  Everything could be fine and we'll and then he'd "mimic/repeat" the mistake I made or something I said and remind me of how much of an idiot I sounded.  I flipping hate it!!  It sucks so much!!  Okay, imagine this, so you can try to understand more from my view.  Imagine standing in front of the entire class.  You have this strict, but very intelligent professor next to you who has a medical degree, majored in science, and is the Oxford dictionary itself.  Now, you say ONE thing wrong in front of the ENTIRE class and not only do you have the typical students staring at you, but you have the professor looking at you with his arms crossed and he's saying, "Who the hell are you?  A 5 years old?!" I did a very bad job at describing this.  Okay, imagine that look of the professor, times 8.  

Honestly, you have to be there to understand.  It sucks.  And it happens ALL the time whenever you say ONE thing flipping wrong or you even mispronounce a word.  Suddenly he's the Oxford dictionary and he knows more than God. 

Another thing, he can't be wrong!!  He has to be right in everything!!  If you try to prove him wrong or you GET something wrong, you're going to be told why you're wrong with about a 1-2 hour lecture.  I'm NOT joking.  Often times, that lecture leads off onto other topics and the lecture ends up being even longer!

Something else, when my mom isn't around and it's just him and I, he decides to tell me a bunch of shit.  What does he say after telling everything?  "Don't tell your mom, she'd freak."

Also, Mark has threatened my family to get out of the house.  Not threatened, TOLD.  We even had a date that we had to be out by, all over a stupid fight that he and my mother had.  Over one stupid little thing that he technically payed for... was he going to throw a mother and three kids out onto the street.  And you know what, did he care?  NO!!  He said, "well maybe then you won't sell my shit when I'm gone."

Okay, so, he was going to be deployed about a year or two ago.  (That didn't happen cause he de used to be an idiot and try to do a move while landing  after jumping from a plane.  That resulted in a injured ankle.)  Anyway, my mom (might as well give a name for her... I'll just say "mom" I guess.)  Mom and Mark were fighting over stupid things, once again, and he threatened her to move out, or something, I can't fully recall.  And she said okay and decided that she'd sell the treehouse in the backyard to get some money for moving.  Well, Mark got angry because while it was for my brother (mom's son), HE payed for it.  So it was HIS money and it was going no where.  That led to the fight between mom and Mark and when he had set a date (June of, I believe, 2019?  I'm not sure, possibly 2018.) 

Now, the thing that seriously pisses me off about the threatening thing and moving out I told you above.  Once Mark and mom made up and everything was fine, she forgive him "like that!"  Just forgave him.  They never spoke of it.  They just ignored it and pretended like everything was fine.  Which I hate because they do this ALL THE FLIPPING TIME!  Which you'll soon find out in my other blogs 

So, on a day to day basis (leaving Dec of 2020 to April of 2021 out) he constantly reminds me off what an idiot I am.  

Which reminds me... ohhh, this pissed me off so much. 

So, in 2019, my sister (I'll say, "PJ") and I had a visit with our family in a different state.  Well, why not... okay, we went to Wisconsin to see our family.  Our father, our grandmother (from dad and moms side), three (maybe two) of our uncle's, three of our aunt's, and lots of our cousins.  Haha, big family if you combine them all.  

While we were there, I stayed in contact with mom via phone.  We would text a lot, but not much video calls as she was sort of depressed with us gone (although, she had to remain her cool with my little brother around her).  One of the times she texted me, she said that Mark had actually missed PJ and I.  I was surprised and I basically (not word per word) said, "ha, ya right!"  The reason for me saying this is because he would always call us spoiled brats and ungrateful.  Constantly... 🙄😒

Well, apparently mom meant it and he did miss us.  I guess, I still don't believe it.

Fast forward to January when PJ and I got off the plane and met with mom, Mark, and my brother at the airport.  We were in the garage parking at the airport and I remember standing beside the car.  Mom was taking a break (smoking a cigarette) about ten steps away from me and PJ was in between mom and I.  Things were pretty good.  I wasn't thrilled to see Mark as this is when my hatred really started fueling and spilling out of the bottle, but as I always tried, I remained calm and hid my emotions.  Things seem fine, even with Mark (like he was ACTUALLY happy to see us) and I hoped to keep things that way.

Mom was talking to PJ and I as we just got back from the visit(s).  My brother was trying to talk to me also.  However, as mom was talking first and I was trying to listen, I held my pointer finger up as way of saying "wait.". He knew what it meant and so he waited.  Although, then he started trying to talk to me again as mom was still talking.  I did it again and Mark turned to look at me (we have a van - he was in the driver's seat - I was standing by the opened middle door on the passenger side).  He turned to look at me and just stared at me, giving me that awful "you're a fucking idiot" look.  I wasn't looking directly at him, thankfully, but I could see it very well just by the corner of my eye.  As soon as he did that, I turned away from mom, drowning whatever she was now saying out, and I asked my brother what he wanted.  

That moment from the rest of that day was shit, despite us all going to a restaurant for dinner.  

To be honest, I find that him doing vacations, restaurants, fairs, hotels, "nice" things, are just his way of trying to be nice and feel less guilty about himself. 

Another thing though.  Whenever he takes everyone out, NO MATTER where it is.  It could be the beach, to the hotel, at a fair, a celebration, a parade, you name it.  No matter where we've been, there is ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS a flipping fight!!  It could literally be over anything.  It could be over the way that the roads are built or someone saying something idiot in the car because they're hot and tired.  It could be anything!!  Literally, just name it.  If you can think it, there's a fight about it.  Not joking here either, none of this is a joke.  It's flipping irritating and I've been bottling all of this up for a very long time.  Okay, for six years, that's a long time in my mind.  Especially when you constantly have to reseal the bottle cap and shove it inside another bottle, then another, then another, just to know for sure that nothing will get out!!

I'm going to leave things off here.  I think that's about it.  I'm sure I'll run into more pretty soon here, my mind is thinking about a million things right now.  

Thanks for reading! 😊🌸

~Celia