All these intrusive thoughts swimming through my head again. It’s agonizing. I really feel I can’t trust a lot of people. I feel like if I opened up even more with every body They’d think I was crazy or gross or perverted. When I say open up I’m talking about my experiences with men after I was assaulted. I got into some weird things. It makes me question my preferences and if everything I love about sex and relationships comes from a dark and twisted place as I said in my last blog post. 
 

you love oral sex because Of M 

You like an aggressive man because M forced you to Perform. 
 

You love being pushed around, being forced to perform and do tricks like circus animal. 

Your a dirty girl. 

Your a filthy w**re. 

You can’t be loved. Your a perverted freak.
 

all my relationships are a toxic blur. I’m trying to sort through it but it’s a huge mess. It feels like there is this horrible ugliness inside me.