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The short version of my story (TW)

judas10

Entry posted by judas10 ·

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I want to be clear...I self-medicate. I try to numb myself in order to cope with my past. It's not healthy. It's not how I should cope. But, it's my current reality. I don't want to keep this up, nor can I continue to drink like I do and expect my past to go away, or my life to get better. I'm slowly killing myself, and it pisses me off! However, I am currently trying to get into rehab, although my insurance is denying my request (another story)!

From the start, I was physically abused by my father. He was an arrogant, religious, physically large man, that thought that sparing the rod, would spoil the child. He would pray for me before he beat me, and never forget to mention that he was doing it because he loved me. He would say that he didn't want to, but that he had to. The blood he drew would always say otherwise, but who was I to question.

At 10 years old, while attending a Christian school, that was also where my family attended church, the preacher had his way with me on a regular basis. My memory is blank as to the details, but there is a reason for that. I only remember bits and pieces, but every time I got in trouble (which was often), the preacher would pray for me, spank me with a wooden paddle, and then comfort me through the act of molestation. 

Can anyone relate to this? If so, please reach out to me. I'm numb, yet still in pain...if that makes sense!

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Veriton
It's good that you've started to fight with your addiction, or at least you are trying to do that. Just don't give up, and I am sure that there will be someone who will help you. I was in the same situation as you two years ago, I had a drug addiction that at first looked normal, but it came to a point when I realized that I need help. I was using Xanax for a while, and I didn't even realize how bad this drug can be for me till if found this article https://fherehab.com/learning/smoking-xanax/. So mate be strong and everything will be fine.
Edited by Veriton
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