I sent away for the marriage certificate, I gave the County clerk a 4 years range since I have no idea when the marriage started. Hopefully I hear back in the next couple of weeks.

I called about the transcript of the divorce, it doesn't exist. The court recorder back then would have been a private party hired for the trial and there no way to find out who.

Now a few memories I pulled out of the debris field. These all take place after the divorce but before we moved to the southwest.

I remember having my own room. I was sitting in there craving on a piece of styrofoam with a straight razor, this is not recommended.

I slipped and gashed my leg open. I stared at it for a couple of minutes before I called to my brother. Just watching it bleed.

I remember laughing all the way to the ER. A 45 minute drive because I thought I would die. The Idea really didn't bother me.It was pretty deep and bleed A lot.

I remember M was so mad because it was the hospital she worked at and I embarrassed her. I showed up in just pants and socks. She was more concerned with how it looked then her youngest son almost bleeding out.

I didn't remember going back and getting the stiches removed. I think M did that.

I remember, when M was at work and it was just A and his friends there I would barricade myself in my room. I had a couple of RR spikes I would wedge under the door so it couldn't be opened. Why so I so terrified of my big brother and his friends?

Just before we left, I was wondering around saying good bye to places and one. of A friends saw me. He said him and A were having sex and he wanted to give me a blowjob before I moved away. I run. So if what he said was true, and this was an openly gay teen in 1978, my brother was open to the idea of gay sex. I suspect A practiced on me.

There still is and probably always will be a wall between me and the really traumatic shit. I remember enough to believe things got pretty bad. But I'm going to keep digging.