My wife after a few stumbles has become very supportive and understanding of me trying to remember. And what it's doing to me psychologically.

Right now she's into town about 40 miles away doing grocery shopping. I've been working on a project that requires me to run power tools so I missed a phone call from her. So she just texted "call".

Now because of our special needs child we've always had an agreement that if you text you want someone to call you state it's not an emergency. Well she forgot to tell me it wasn't an emergency. Probably because I'm at home  with our kid . So I called she didn't answer. So I just kept hitting redial over and over with no answer about a dozen times. I forget her phone doesn't ring anymore only vibrates. So she didn't hear it.So I thought there was an emergency.

That threw me into a full-blown panic attack. I don't think I've ever had one this bad. So I called the Sheriff's Department to have them go to where she was at and check on her. She called while I was on hold everything's fine.

She feels really bad that she did that. Apparently this is having a more adverse effect on me psychologically then I would like to believe.

But while working on the project I remembered I was in the Boy Scouts, I think just a year, E was a scout master. I remember him in the uniform. I remember the den mother, she was nice.

That would have been at the first house we lived at, once we move to the first Farm there wasn't time for that. Or they caught on to the fact that E was an abusive child molesting POS, and kicked him out.

Memories are starting to come back, right now it's just normal stuff. But I have a feeling that if I start remembering the bad stuff this is probably going to get a lot rougher. It may get rougher even if I never have clear memories of the badshit. What I do remember tells me it was bad.