So yesterday I called my wife during my lunch break. And during phone conversation she brings up something that just irritates her about the difference between men and women how we view things.

And because I was having the thoughts about this idea of E making. Kiddy p*** movies starring me and my brother and sister I told her I really don't want to talk about this right now.

So when I got home now I apologize to her for being a little snippy with her on the phone.  I told her that I was just thinking about some things that that were really bothering me.

And then I screwed up and told her about the movies and about the belief that he had me physically do things to him. And she was like you made me mad we need to talk about that.

And I lost my temper, I said just once could I bring up an issue I have and not make it about you. That really made her mad and I had to spend the rest of the evening soothing her feelings.

I know she wants to help me through this, she told me she wants to help me through this.

But the bulk of our marriage has been dealing with our special needs child and her mental illness. She simply can't make the switch of it not being about her.

And I really don't blame her, I'm not mad at her about not being able to switch over to dealing with these issues that I'm having. Because for the past twenty-eight years we've only been focusing on the two of them.

She wants to help she just doesn't know how. Because she's never had to before. In order for me to help her deal with her issues I had to seem Unbreakable. And I think it bothers her I'm broken.

Plus I don't think she wants to have to deal with how emotionally and physically abusive she was towards me at the height of her mental illness.

So the quote the song" I have become cumbersome to my girl"

Don't get me wrong I love this woman, and I made the decision earlier in the marriage that I would help her through this. I knew the woman that I loved was still in there, she really didn't start showing signs of bipolar and until after she got pregnant and her mother died. All I needed to do was help her find herself again.

I read a s*** ton of psychology books and one of them said that people who are bipolar manic depressive as they get older they no longer have the energy themaintain the insanity. So I knew all I needed to do was bunker in and out last her, and I did.

In a brief aside, when we first got married I told her to never use the sentence "if you love me you'd do it "in a serious manner.

For some reason I truly dislike that sentence, I wonder how many times it was said to me when I was a child to get me to do something I really didn't want to do.