your honour, my shame

You aren't stuck. Feeling this way is all part of being a survivor. There are so many steps in the healing process, but feeling what you once couldn't express emotionally means you are making great progress. You will feel as if you are stuck in a routine that's far from the norm for you, but know that it's just that, a feeling, and it will pass, but you gotta give yourself time.

It's ok to not want to go out as frequently as you used to. It's understandable that you may not feel as social as you once were. It's good you have an outlet that's healthy like reading or cuddling with your cat, as opposed to being a self destructive person. I'm not certain if you have told any of your friends or family what you are going through, but if you feel you can trust them, try it. And if you do not want to say anything, just try to enjoy their company anyway. I know you don't want to be around anyone, trust me I feel you, but you would be amazed at how much strength you gain just from being around those closest to you. It acts as a reminder of the love people have for you. It's a reminder that you deserve to be happy. Every single human alive needs love and affection regardless of life's struggles, but survivors are in even more need of such interactions. We have been stripped of so much that sometimes it's hard to relish what we still have. I am not in any way trying to tell you to stuff your feelings way down by wearing a mask of emotions day to day, or when socializing, I'm just saying, don't deprive yourself of love and support that is rightfully yours. It will help you regain your sense of self and feelings of being afraid to live will become distant in memory. Better days are ahead, stay strong.

Thank you for your support. But I am not handling things well. I am selfdestructive, I do isolate myself and I can´t even talk to my therapist because I don´t trust anyone.

I take your words to heart and they mean a lot.

take care