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teleahstears

A blog by teleah in General

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teleah

Entry posted by teleah ·

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Dear mom, I sit here, my heart broken and even from heaven or hell, not sure which one, you are still breaking my heart, i am still finding out the deep damage you did to me, still discovering the depth of your abuse and neglect. Since you passed, I have come to some important revelations.TW.... 1.. You not only knew about my pedophile father, you used me to keep him interested in you, you let him watch us shower and flirt with him in front of me so you could get the love you deserved. 2...The reason you hated me was your husband wanted me more, pursued me and you hated me for taking him away even though you insisted i spend time with him. 3..Your words, retard mistake ungrateful klutz ungrateful bit*h, are all you left me with, you did not leave me with a family, you pushed them away so i llost them too, you did not leave me with my stepfather because you convinced me i was a flirt so much i flirted with him and we will never be us again, you left me with this endless hole i and no else can fill because you were supposed to fill it with praise, cuddles, unconditional love, something you did not give me unless it benefited you. 4...My sister was your do over, you protected her to a fault. you gave her a safe dad who loved her, you encouraged her to be a model. an actress, a writer, whatever she wanted to be and she still got hurt by your brutal words and neglect. Sitting here I know you are with my dear Hannah and that is not fucking fair, but one thing i learned from the way you raised me, the way you protected me is life is never fucking fair, it just is what is, well life with you was a living hell mom and that is just what it is, i miss who could've been for me, i miss foolishly believing you were an innocent bystander not a participant in my sexual abuse,i miss who i thought you were, a dear mom to me. Love hate Teleah

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teleah

Dear mom, Here I am circling the rabbit hole of deep despair and thanks to you, I have no family, no people to support me but my sister she is set, why did she get all the love mom. why was i not worth anything to you ? Why does she not only get a safe dad but also a family that surrounds her with love and support. was that your final assault on me, your final screw you for being your husbands favorite, for the fact he stayed with me not you ? The fact even with his new wife around he chose to spend time with me ? Were you really that petty, jealous of your own daughter ? As I circle the rabbit hole, I mourn you got your do over with my sister and chose to give me to your husband, I mourn you never saw me as your daughter but your competition while my sister will always be your treasured daughter, teleah

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