I had a tough night last night. My brain did not want to be in the state I wanted it to be in.

I had a panic attack. Again for the third night in a row this week.

For some reason he could not leave my thoughts alone, I am not sure why this week had to be the week.

I thought that maybe I should text someone and I began to but realized no one wanted to hear this, G-d knows I hated talking about it so why would someone want to listen. Since realizing what has happened to me I would tell close people as an attempt for them to understand the small things that I do in life and why. Like why I always lock the door, look behind me and tense up at the sight of certain cars. 

Every time I hear "oh you still think about him?" Like I just haven't gotten over an ex. To their defense how could they know. I barley know and understand it. I can't expect them to know the answers when I don't.  

Do I stay quiet?

Or continue writing at any point I feel anxious?

I don't know.

I don't think I ever will, but maybe I just get over it and explain it to them, or find someone who understands to talk to?

I don't know.....maybe I will though