I was reminded of an important realization we talked about in therapy. For so long I have struggled with feelings of loneliness and abandonment. Where is it coming from? But in speaking about  this I found being turned into a toy(another topic) and existing on an entirely different plane of existence from the ptsd and depression I was totally alone. It was an alternate world. I was so alone. So alone. So I had no friends etc.

What I now understand is that I felt abandoned and rejected by my parents and teachers. That's how I have felt. It's why I feel no love or connection with them. Even though they weren't doing it on purpose, this was how I felt. And it was real. I did try to send out signals of my distress which were ignored.

It is important cuz it helps me understand why I get triggered in certain instances and now also when I should speak up and tell my parents like what you did made me feel abandoned.