There are times when I catch myself staring outside and looking at nothing. All that I am thinking about is how jumbled my mind is. For all these years I have been lost. I can't explain why I am the way I am. When my screams in my sleep wake up my family how do I tell them? I play it off that it was just a nightmare. It never is. Someone close to, during an argument, told me that I need to stop being the victim after all these years. As if I have some on and off switch. I wish that I knew how to stop this tail spin. If I knew how to help myself then I would do it. I want to live a normal life. Maybe I am simply cursed to live this way.