teleahstears

I hope it is ok if i add to this, yesterday i got my inheritance from my mom, it was a lot and instead of celebrating possible financial freedom, I thought good my family will be fine, I can g, they will have money, security, all they need so they will not miss me, i can and will be replaced. i just can not see my usefulness like this, it took me a week to put away a load of laundry, takes me so long to do stuff, i am barely sleeping, showering is triggering,, i am trying to be ok for my daughter, my friends, my husband but am wearing that i am ok mask for them, i am stuck in the past, frozen in the present and terrified of the future, i do not know how to be ok when i am hurting like this, inpatient and outpatient gave me barely enough tools to cope. t says i am better but i still having hard time seeing the future, all i see is me gone and my family free of the burden of my darkness, the legacy of his sickness, thank you for listening to my truth. teleah