(tw to myself: lies your mother told you, do not read unless in good place)

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So many times while i was living at home and I would get less than a B in a class my parents paid the tuition for, I would feel so awful. Because I keep wasting their tuition money. Because it's so stressful for them thinking about my future. Because my mother "turned down a job offer for you." They would never listen to me about my anxiety or adhd and would accuse me of making excuses. So many times I thought to myself "I'm a selfish, lazy piece of shit and I should just kill myself so my parents don't have to deal with my bullshit."