some weeks ago i was getting better but then my father in law died. so sad. since i married another race i was kinda an outcast so much of the wake i was sitting in a corner, i fell asleep at one time. FIL was a wonderful man. i cried wonderin if i am.sad for my FIL's death or being invisible. maybe both.

see the abuser now my uncle, never told me not to tell anyone. he was so confident i wouldnt tell. that got me thinking how come?

he was friends with my eldest brother. Was he observing me? did he know that i was too afraid.of my mother and had no one really to talk to. was i invisible in the family?

did my sister know about the abuse next door since we were fondling under the bed how many times did it happen? how did it start.

how come my aunt didnt have the creep meter on?

all i can say is now i am tired yesterday.i was angry. progress wise i started on my letter of application.for.work. 

i am.eating.again.

but constantly thinking about suicide....

will i ever get to the other side once more?

Dear Universe,

u witnessed everything. u have eyes and is omnipresent seeing our pain and the pain of others. do you feel our pain? do u hear our silent screams? do u hear and see how we make silly mistakes where others dont because their minds and spirits arent broken?

do u see the others calling us liars? laughing at us while we are already ashamed?  

U created us for u and for the love of us. yet these inhuman acts happen because they wish to take our power away, our dignity and the love for ourselves. and especially the love we already had for u they are succeeding. i am a poor weak and vile spirit. How then do i make it to the other side? Please help us oh dear Universe for only u can lend us that strength and cleanse our spirit so that once more regain love for ourselves and LOVE u....