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Ddogs

A blog by ddogs in General

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Got too much to me

ddogs

Entry posted by ddogs ·

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Here I am again! It did took me a really long time to start being here again. I have been empty of some kind. It hit me so hard the fact that my mom has known of the abuse much more than she wants me to believe. And that I always have thought the abuse started at the age of seven now can at least be around 4-5 years old, if not even as a baby. I am devastated. I don´t know what to feel or think. For some reason I want to be able to feel sorry for my dad. On the other hand I am feeling angry at and betrayed my mom. I feel so dirty at the moment. Since it does feel I have been touched all my life, from a baby. I can´t right now think of what this mean to me. Or does it have to mean anything. I do have started to mourn what has happened to me. Especially the relationship I have with my mom. So much has happened lately and so much is going on in my life right now (new things) so I am not really hanging in here with all of it... Really stressed and body has been aching a lot. Speaking of body memories... I am not sure what and why this is happening... I have started to get really painful aches in the lower stomach about two weeks before my period. It gets just worse and worse for each period. It is like something is "coming up"... Take care out there! Hugs!!!

 
 

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Razzberrybug

My life is complicated too.  I think anyone with any degree of abuse denies it ever happened. It's easier that way. We can function in a normal world like what we think are normal people.  Then it hits us. Worse, is when there is more to your story than most novels. And you feel like the reader in a book club where everyone but you in the club knows the story and ending. Memories seem false, physical feelings seem painful and yet crazy. Then when it is confirmed, you live in a nightmare hell. Confused. Betrayed. Alone. But you reached out. And your not alone. I can relate more than my mind wants too. It's painful. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Do something special for yourself, if you can. Sometimes even a soak in a bath or a rape help line chat can help me through the darkest of my days.

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