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teleahstears

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My Dark Web


teleah

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TW this poem is about what i go through when the depression hits hard like these past weeks.........

    My Dark Web

     i keep trying to push them away, protect them from my toxic darkness, I dont want to infect anyone else with my toxic darkness, my dark despair, so i push them away before they they get entangled in my dark web,

I reason during the unreasonable hour of three in the morning, I should go before they get stuck in my hurt, in my soul muck, i should go before they wake up and need me again, but after a night of fighting my demons i awake in my dark web.

I awake the next day, even more determined to push them away, people who could be infected by this sickness, i turn off my phone, wont open my door, ignore their countless messages, reasoning i do not want to hurt anyone anymore.

Deep in this web, I sit the ones i have infected before, him the one who wanted to love me, save me from myself no longer sits next to me, next to me, the little girl i brought into this world unaware she would inherit my darkness, my hatred of self, she is the one who insists to stay in my dark web, feeling obligated for i am her mother and she still believes she can save me.

It takes hours, cups of dark deep coffee to climb out of my dark web, to be a loving wife, a strong mother but in seconds, a small gesture, a word, a song and im entangled in story my story of horror, with a heart full of frustarated sorrow, i know tomorrow i will not let anyone touch me, come near my dark web, i do not want to hurt anyone anymore.

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it's funny those hurt the most infected the ost by abuse's pathogens believe the lie we are the bad ones...we aren't....i understand this beautiful writing in my gut and soul....you only heal Teleah, you never hurt....we learn that hatred as others pour their pathogens into us but you are a loving soul and you deserve all that horror to be made up to you....with much love

:throb::throb::hug::throb:

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teleah...that is heartbreakingly beautiful. I can relate. I oftentimes feel toxic and push my friends away so I don't infect them too. 

Thank you for sharing. 

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Thank you for your kind words and support ((((((annie,field.DBNB. Iheartcupcakes, ActivistAlly))))))), I am trying really hard not to infect anyone with this darkness but i can see people i love being infected by my heaviness and my darkness so i am trying to hide but am so grateful for this site where i can be in my dark web and be accepted, love teleah

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