I think I am feeling like this, empty and bubbling at the same time, since I am going to my parents on friday. I will stay there until thuesday. We are going there once a year (or twice if the winter is enough good). More than that I can´t cope with. The ONLY reason I am going there is since there I feel so free when out on the see with a boat. The water itself and the sound (when it comes against cliffs and or the shore) is so soothing. And there I can walk with the dogs in the forrest, my furry babies.

I am so empty. Empty of words. At the same time I feel like I am dizzy and have no clue what´s going on around me. Like in clouds. I feel like I am bubbling of words, but it is like the bottle of Champagne that can´t be open. These feelings makes me nervous and frustrated. Something wants to come out... but WHAAAAT!!!!

I know I shouldn´t try so much, since then it never comes out of there.

I don´t know if this also have to do with this in some way. I am getting breathless so easily nowadays. This past week has been difficult and I have noticed that some feelings want to come out when I am exhausted/breathless after a fast walk or so. I am feeling at that moment SO much heartbreak and pain in the chest so I get difficult to breath. It feel like I don´t get any air at all. And I feel that there is something wanting coming out, but I just can´t get it out. When I am breathless and trying to take a second of pause after the outbreathing, I am getting anxiety and the hole world starts to spinn (mentally, not physical problems). I feel like wanting to hit somebody, or to punish somebody. As it wouldn´t be enough that it is hard to breath out, I also have difficult to breath in. All this with the breathing comes from when I was faking I was sleeping as a child (I had to sleep calmly and quitely)...