I'm not sure why exactly but these last few months I have desperately wanted to go back to the year between when it happened and when I began to face it. I mean, I'll always want to go back to before but I know that can never happen. But that year between it all was very strange yet I find myself reminiscing about it.

I was 14 when it happened, so a freshman, and I didn't know what to do so I completely blocked it from my memory. When people asked about it (because he bragged) I would deny it and say nothing happened and after a while, they stopped asking. Once the questioning ended, everything was quiet. Maybe not mentally but I assumed it was because of something else so I ignored it. I just did my thing like I normally would have and it wasn't until almost a year later (about 11 months) that the seed of what actually happened was planted in my brain again. It took another 3-4 months for me to really come to terms with reality and when I did, I was sitting in my theatre classroom, stunned to silence.

Since then I've been incredibly up and down. This past month has been awful for me and I think that's why I want to go back to the time between so horribly. I haven't slept much at all for weeks. Depression, anxiety, paranoia, and PTSD symptoms have gotten much worse. So, I've decided that maybe I need to go see a psychiatrist..

We'll see what my parents think of that.