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Hmmm... Today has been a roller coaster. I woke up this morning and just wanted to cry. I wanted the day to go away. In the end I phoned the help line which helped a bit. I had to do something as I was taking my niece out today, and I was feeling like I couldn't leave my room and just wanted to cry, so I couldn't see her like that. I took her to the cinema which was nice. She wasn't her usual cheerful self though - she'd been exhausted by 2 days out with her best friend, and was a little t
Life goes on. I wish I had a stop clock, just for a second - time to catch my breath, organise my thoughts, recover from how battered I feel emotionally, and regain some strength. But no, this stupid world just expects you to pick up where you left off and keep running along with it. Stupid crappy place - pfft!!! I'm in a rather dark and tearful mood today (as you may be able to tell). My work T had asked me to write something down about how angry I feel with them at the uni - but all that
I'm not sure I have much to say about anything today - it's like the calm after the storm. I've been holding on to so much anger re the uni for so many weeks, and now it's all virtually sorted (albeit not that satisfactorily) and so i don't really know how to deal with all my left over feeling of bitterness and anger. I just feel like I have to move forward and forget about it, and yet burying it will not be helpful to me. What weather would I be today? Hmmm... A calm cloudy temperature day
Well, at T we did the go old 'CORE' thing (lots of Q's where you answer between 0-5, about feelings mainly) and the 'STAR' exercise (kinda the same again but done in a star format and going up to 10 - more life focussed). That just kinda comfirmed for me what a mess my life is right now, and how badly I'm coping. Lol - mid-typing this and get phoned about some temporary work - ouch my head hurts! So confused right now. I meant it's good - I can eat next week if it comes off. But it means th
Heyho, Halloween is here. It's been a weird one already in fact, kinda in a good way though I think - not quite sure what I feel yet as there's so much hurt mixed in. I got the suspension email through from my head of programme, and they have confirmed that they are going to take me to fitness to practise (for health reasons). However, it doesn't look like this is going to happen until just before I'm supposed to return next August (so time to find something else and withdraw). Still feeling
Well, so far today I've phoned all the agencies and updated them re my new found ability to do Thursday afternoons, and had a telephone counseling appointment (work counselling). Today I feel, ermm, kinda numb. I am still in bed :-(, but am going to go to the chaplaincy shortly and have a cuppa, right after my lunch. And it's not like I haven't been doing things this morning (or at least that's the excuse I'm using). I'm sure that I had more to do today, but I can't think what. Hmmm... I l
Well I've heard back from my counselor, and she's said that she's not able to change my appointment time (am looking for work, and it's causing a problem). But she did say that I could go back on the waiting list if I wanted, so I guess that's what I'll have to do. At least it's sorted, which is one thing. I'm hoping that this will make a different in terms of the number of interviews I'm receiving, and me finally getting a job - so back to calling all the agencies again tomorrow. I feel a l
29/10 It's after noon, I'm still in bed and feeling like I want to cry. I know I'm hungry, but I can't quite motivate myself to get up, washed, dressed, go downstairs, face my housemates, think of something I may actually want to eat, make than something, and then return to my room. I've also noticed that there's condensation building up at the base of my windows. No doubt this is due to the fact that I never open my curtains, let alone the windows themselves, but I know I'm gonna have to sta
