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So the weekend is ending. I was supposed to rest and be gentle with myself. Turned out opposite.
On the bright'ish side, I slowly started to realize that I was raped. I knew that logically, and remember it. But strangely, after this long time, I had this small realization how badly I got hurt.
I also realized that I've been triggered today and on other occasions, and didn't know it's a trigger. I believed that I was freezing because I'm some kind of non grown up old wuss...
My mi
Together with my therapist we think I'm ready to go back to EMDR. My attitude and expectations have shifted. Previously I looked at it as fixing a long broken bone. So basically break it again and put back in order. It was a task. One that can be failed, and which I've been failing. Despite going round and round in my memories I couldn't find any emotions regarding them.
This time I'm finally free of this success failure mentality. I will take one last look behind and leave them in the pas