Jump to content
Registration Issues? Login Issues? Need General Assistance and can't access our onsite Help Desk? Shoot us an email at our email address: moderators@aftersilence.org ×
Followers 0
  • entries
    8
  • comments
    9
  • views
    675

About this blog

My very first blog ever 

Entries in this blog

Entry

Back to work

I returned to work. I'm surprised how calm and relaxed I am in contrast to how I felt 2 weeks ago when I decided to prolong medical leave.
bart27830

bart27830 in Entry

2
Entry

Back to EMDR

Together with my therapist we think I'm ready to go back to EMDR. My  attitude and expectations have shifted. Previously I looked at it as fixing a long broken bone. So basically break it again and put back in order. It was a task. One that can be failed, and which I've been failing. Despite going round and round in my memories I couldn't find any emotions regarding them. This time I'm finally free of this success failure mentality. I will take one last look behind and leave them in the pas
bart27830

bart27830 in Entry

2
Entry

Sunday

The Sunday didn't start well. The tension between me and wife will most likely explode later in the day. 
bart27830

bart27830 in Entry

2
Memory

Therapy day

Today was intense therapy related. I got back to EMDR after months of pause. I felt squished, my chest and throat burned. This time I go without expectations or "I have to do this" attitude. I want to take preferably last look at the past and let it go, not just hide and bury it.  It's been a long time I haven't seen my abuser's face. This time I was able to pull this image very clearly. Looks like I'm still scared of him, based on my reaction.  The worst, I think, was when My t
bart27830

bart27830 in Memory

1
Entry

Start

Well, here I am writing blog. I'd never think I would do one. Doesn't hurt trying I guess ...
bart27830

bart27830 in Entry

0
Entry

Not so good Saturday

Yesterday was a crappy day. I felt worse after therapy day earlier plus I had a lot of friction with my wife.  I let myself cry a bit in the toilet.   
bart27830

bart27830 in Entry

0
Entry

Weekend-end

So the weekend is ending. I was supposed to rest and be gentle with myself. Turned out opposite.  On the bright'ish side, I slowly started to realize that I was raped. I knew that logically, and remember it. But strangely, after this long time, I had this small realization how badly I got hurt. I also realized that I've been triggered today and on other occasions, and didn't know it's a trigger. I believed that I was freezing because I'm some kind of non grown up old wuss... My mi
bart27830

bart27830 in Entry

0
Followers 0
×
×
  • Create New...